In Sickness and in Health
Alf and Else are getting old, Rita's left home, Else's confined to a wheelchair. Alf must now do battle with the Social Security system.
Genre: Comedy
Cast:Warren Mitchell , Carmel McSharry , Arthur English , Ken Campbell , Eamonn Walker , Eileen Kennally , Hugh Lloyd , Una Stubbs , Pat Coombs , Tricia Kelly , Dandy Nichols , James Ellis , Harry Fowler , Arnold Diamond , Renu Setna , Vas Blackwood , John Bluthal , Noeline Brown
S1.E1 ∙ Episode #1.1
The Garnetts are back in London. Else is severely arthritic and can barely walk and Alf extols the joys of the wheelchair has got her - until he has to push her around in it. With so many cars parked on the pavement he uses the middle of the road,incurring a motorist's wrath. The chair does come in handy for getting him on the front row at football matches though his response to a home win reveals that he is using it fraudulently.
S1.E2 ∙ Episode #1.2
Having complained about his failing eye sight - and just about everything else - Alf takes his wife out in her wheelchair and buys her an ice cream cornet whilst avoiding giving money to the vicar. However his poor sight proves his undoing when he accidentally goes into a ladies' toilet and is arrested as a sex pest.
S1.E3 ∙ Episode #1.3
Having scrubbed the hall floor and disapproved of Else's using the milkman to place her bets, Alf feels that they are entitled to a home help but manages to antagonise three women in succession. Returning from the pub he finds that the latest is Winston,an extremely flamboyant gay black man who will clearly take no nonsense from him.
S1.E4 ∙ Episode #1.4
Alf tries the patience of good natured Fred Johnson and his wife from next door by using their phone to make a very long-winded long distance call to Rita. After expounding upon funerals in the pub Alf repays Fred by buying him so many drinks he falls over but Alf's homeward progress pushing Else in her wheelchair also ends in drunken calamity.
S1.E5 ∙ Episode #1.5
Rita comes to visit and no sooner is she through the door than Alf argues with her about Else. After Alf has criticised Margaret Thatcher, claiming that no woman should be prime minister, Else and Rita gang up against him with Winston, who brings an equally camp friend home to throw a party for Rita. Alf is given extremely strong drink so that, whilst the others continue carousing, he passes out.
S1.E6 ∙ Episode #1.6
Tired of pushing Else around in her chair Alf feels she should have an electric scooter but they cost two and a half grand and the woman at Social Security tells Alf that, as long as he is around to push, Else is ineligible. Taking an idea from some kids with a go-kart Alf adds jet propulsion to the chair, which goes out of control, foiling a bank robbery and landing him in hospital. He is declared a hero but, following Winston's view that the robbers' accomplices may be out to get him, decides to remain anonymous.
S1.E7 ∙ Christmas Special
Rita has come to stay but announces her intention to go back home on Christmas Eve. In order to persuade her to stay and help him look after Else, Alf falls off a ladder and claims to have injured his leg. However, whilst Rita does stay, the knees up at the Christmas Day party goes so well that Alf's enthusiastic participation soon exposes his supposedly bad leg as nothing more than a ruse.
S2.E1 ∙ Episode #2.1
Else has died and Alf and Rita with friends and neighbours including landlady Mrs Hollingbury return from the funeral for the wake. With Else gone his pension will be halved yet the bills remain the same and Mrs Hollingbury surprises everybody by revealing that Alf has finally lost faith in the Conservatives and persuaded her to vote Labour with him at the last election. She also shows her racist side, provoking Rita's displeasure but being calmed down with an ironic kiss from Winston. Once he is left alone Alf finally breaks down in tears, bemoaning the loss of the 'silly old moo', whom he nonetheless loved.
S2.E2 ∙ Episode #2.2
When Rita and Winston come in at night making a noise, Mrs. Hollingbery decides to start locking the front door of the flats at 10:30. But can Alf make it back from the pub in time?
S2.E3 ∙ Episode #2.3
Mrs. Hollingbery's obsession with locking doors takes on new dimensions when she even locks Alf into his own flat but then he needs to go to toilet. Meanwhile the shopkeeper wants to call in Elsa's debts, and the milkman has some news about her gambling.
S2.E4 ∙ Episode #2.4
Alf gets fed up with everybody having a Sunday roast except him, so he makes his first trip to a supermarket. But he's forgotten he can't cook.
S2.E5 ∙ Episode #2.5
Rita buys Alf a second-hand jacket, and when he notices it is covered in medals he uses it to try to gain all sorts of favours under false pretences. He also gets a visit from canvassing politicians.
S2.E6 ∙ Episode #2.6
Alf's old neighbour Min turns up uninvited with her senile sister.
S2.E7 ∙ Christmas Special
When Rita wins a winter sun holiday abroad, Alf complains about having to spend Christmas alone.
S3.E1 ∙ Episode #3.1
Having got himself a free teas-maid by causing a scene in an electrical shop, Alf goes home to open a private letter to Rita, telling her her divorce from Mike has come through. He is overjoyed as he thinks she will move into the spare room and look after him. However she is planning to marry local doctor Thompson so Alf reluctantly is forced to let Winston have the room instead. To compound Alf's joy, Fred Johnson has made sure the teas-maid goes off in the night and wakens all the street.
S3.E2 ∙ Episode #3.2
After holding forth in the pub on how foreigners have brought AIDS to England, Alf and his friend Arthur visit a sex shop, where Arthur steals a pornographic magazine but gives it to Alf to mind for him. When Mrs Hollingbery finds it Alf blames it on Winston and tries to have him evicted, but Arthur puts his foot in it by turning up at the house asking for his book just as it is being torn up.
S3.E3 ∙ Episode #3.3
Alf decides to invest in his own phone, but quickly finds himself at war with Mrs Hollingbery over its use, as she claims ownership as the householder. With the phone being cordless they are frequently hiding it from each other and Winston's calls to Jamaica are no help, whilst Alf's delight in trying out his new acquisition by ringing everybody he knows leads to friction with Arthur's wife and injury for Fred Johnson.
S3.E4 ∙ Episode #3.4
Min and Gwenneth pay Alf another visit, Gwenneth as confused as ever as she mistakes Alf for a doctor and takes her skirt off and, in the pub, mistakes Arthur for an old boyfriend. Back at the house the sisters hold a seance which Winston and his boyfriend use to make Alf believe he is possessed by an evil spirit before faking a conversation with God, who persuades Alf to give the women his bed for the night.
S3.E5 ∙ Episode #3.5
At the local old time dance afternoon Alf is challenged to fight ageing Lothario Fancy Fred by two merry widows who end up fighting each other but Alf has his chance to threaten Fred when Fred parks his van on the pavement outside the house. However when Alf gets his legs wedged on the window ledge as he tries to clean the window Arthur and Winston see Fred's van as a means of escape. Fred has other ideas though and Alf has a landing of a different sort.
S3.E6 ∙ Episode #3.6
On a boiling hot summer day, Alf goes to the DHSS to complain that he should have had more money in last winter's heating allowance for living in an end terrace. but it cuts no ice. Back home he joins his friends watching cricket on television and falls asleep, loudly dreaming that he has been knighted for his services to the game. He wakes up to general derision and the knowledge that he has been exposed for stealing the eggs from next door's hens.
S3.E7 ∙ Christmas Special
Alf is spending Christmas in hospital for a hip replacement but his visitors' scare stories of what could go wrong propel him into fleeing from the ward dressed as a woman - which incurs a drunk's unwanted attention. Back at the house he is outraged when Mrs Hollingbery's sister turns up after his room, being told that he is not expected to live, but all is forgiven when Mrs Hollingbery invites everybody upstairs for a Christmas party. Unfortunately he has forgotten the loose stair rod and ends up back in the hospital.
S4.E1 ∙ Episode #4.1
Alf has had his hip operation and Winston has moved out, replaced by his straight cousin Pele. However some things never change, such as Alf's continuing feud with Mrs Hollingbery, particularly as she hogs his television. Things could be about to change, though, as Arthur points out to Alf that he could be a very rich man by marrying the widow and he sets about wooing her.
S4.E2 ∙ Episode #4.2
Encouraged by Arthur, Alf continues to pursue Mrs Hollingbery, even going down on one knee to propose though she wants time to think. After a night in the pub a surprise engagement party is thrown for the still undecided couple, but when Mrs Hollingbery learns that, as a husband and wife, they could buy the house for twenty thousand pounds when its market value is five times that, she is quick to accept.
S4.E3 ∙ Episode #4.3
Alf prepares a lavish meal for Arthur who has just come up with eight score draws on the football pools. Unfortunately he has won nothing as his stupid wife failed to post the coupon. There is further despondency as Alf realises he may be too old to acquire a mortgage to buy the house and the idea of his adopting Pele, who'll get it for him, does not appeal. Fortunately salvation arrives when Mrs Hollingbery gets a letter from her brother in Australia, who is happy to buy the house for her - providing that he meets and approves of the groom-to-be.
S4.E4 ∙ Episode #4.4
It's the eve of Alf and Mrs Hollingbery's trip down under - taking Arthur for company. In the pub the Johnsons have one of their increasingly public rows and Alf is not cheered when everybody places a book on whether the plane will crash. Back home he gets into an argument about noise with just about everybody before admitting to himself that he would really rather not go to Australia.
S4.E5 ∙ Episode #4.5
On the flight to Australia Arthur, Alf and Mrs Hollingbery are nervous passengers though Alf's argument with a steward who forbids him to smoke breaks the monotony. On arrival Alf argues with a man who turns out to be Mrs H's brother Ricky but, back at his house, he bonds with Alf over their shared racism. Neither Alf nor Mrs Hollingbery are happy when they are given a double room and Ricky gets the wrong idea when Alf says he wants to room with Arthur.
S4.E6 ∙ Episode #4.6
The three visitors have a day sight-seeing, starting in a cafe where Alf defends Hitler. After Alf has rowed with a lazy lifeguard over a non-existent drowning victim, the trio take a boat trip and Alf soon discovers that he and his bride-to-be hold differing views on many things. As far as Alf is concerned, one thing is for sure though. Australians are descended from convicts and they are still not to be trusted.
S4.E7 ∙ Episode #4.7
The sight-seeing continues with Alf having a confrontation with a crocodile and some Aboriginals, who nonetheless get the better of him after he tries to patronise them. Back at Ricky's, Alf gets a business proposition from Ricky and his partner Mooney but it is apparent that they have misunderstood Alf's financial position, and soon the three Brits are on the plane back home.
S4.E8 ∙ Christmas Special
Facing another Christmas with a frugal dinner Alf cons the vicar into giving him a Christmas hamper but Mrs Hollingbery refuses to accept it because it has been dishonestly obtained. So Alf takes it to the pub to raffle, making sure that most of the slips of paper with the winning name on bear his. However he is outwitted at the last minute by the equally devious Bert Luscombe.
S5.E1 ∙ Episode #5.1
As a result of a power cut, Alf and Mrs Hollingbery repair to the candle-lit pub where Alf sounds off about Margaret Thatcher, despite her being a Conservative, and a general argument breaks out with Arthur and Fred Johnson about a number of things - including death, the undertaker at the next table unsettling Alf. When he and Mrs Hollingbery return home after the lights have gone back on, Alf rails at her for wasting electricity before fusing all the electrics in the house.
S5.E2 ∙ Episode #5.2
They may be halfway up the aisle but Alf and his bride-to-be are still arguing, especially when she wants to throw out his furniture as being tat. A fake overdose attempt cuts no ice so Alf is off to the pub to talk about suicide, death and heaven - though Fred Johnson, as an atheist, is having none of it. Back home Alf tries another pretend suicide but is diverted when Mrs Hollingbery brings him in a roast dinner and a can of beer - plus more Aspirin in case he runs out.
S5.E3 ∙ Episode #5.3
Complaining that Alf is a shabby dresser, Mrs Hollingbery also wants him to take out life insurance in case he goes first. In the pub a discussion on health does anything but allay Mr Carey's fears about getting a hip replacement in view of Alf's horror stories about hospital. Another row between the Johnsons prompts Alf to surmise that Fred is a poisoner, leading to Mrs Hollingbery getting her own back by pretending to poison Alf.
S5.E4 ∙ Episode #5.4
Alf decides to earn some money by working for Mrs Carey as a window cleaner. He fails to get any wages but gets lots of free groceries after catching the milkman in a compromising position. Later Arthur wins the jackpot on the fruit machine at the British Legion but he and Alf decide to split it and keep quiet about it. Baffled by the presence of the groceries and informed by Alf that he has no money for her Mrs Hollingbery is not pleased when Fred tells everybody what really happened.
S5.E5 ∙ Episode #5.5
Alf and Arthur are in the pub recalling old times and Alf is not impressed when Arthur tells him that he was once the local Romeo and the celebrity captain of the juniors football team. He is even less impressed when everybody else who comes in, especially Mrs Hollingbery, are fawning over Arthur and seeking autographs. Alf then gets a job as a dog walker but the two large dogs get him into trouble with an irate housewife and end up injuring him.
S5.E6 ∙ Episode #5.6
Alf is initially nervous when he receives a brown envelope but swells with pride when he sees that it is calling him up for jury service, a fact which causes him to lord it in the pub. However, when Fred tells him of a juror who was hospitalised for sending a man down and he believes he is being followed by a sinister stalker, Alf finds himself besieged in a strange house.
S5.E7 ∙ Episode #5.7
As Alf's day as a juror approaches, he sounds off in the pub about his views on justice, inevitably inviting opposing comments from Mr Carey, who believes that the system is corrupt and imprisons the innocent and Fred, who, once more frightens him with tales of retribution from aggrieved villains. By the time he takes his place in the jury box - his trousers wrongly ironed by Mrs Hollingbery - Alf has a plan to preserve his anonymity, a false beard.
S5.E8 ∙ Episode #5.8
Alf organizes a pensioners' outing, immediately falling foul of the bus driver as all the passengers have bus passes which delays the start. In the course of the trip Alf almost has a fight with an Irishman, directs all the ladies to use the gents' toilets to prevent queueing and is rewarded with a glimpse of the queen. Come evening all the pensioners are drunk and noisy, which leaves the driver dreading the trip back home.
S5.E9 ∙ Episode #5.9
The happy couple discuss their forthcoming wedding, a marriage of convenience in every sense as they intend to each remain in their own flat and the bride has no desire for sex, despite Alf's boasts about his youthful prowess. That night a terrible storm dislodges a box of money Alf has been hiding in the chimney. To Alf's annoyance Mrs Hollingbery claims half of it.
S5.E10 ∙ Episode #5.10
After baffling the Catholic priest who will be marrying him to Mrs Hollingbery with thoughts on separate heavens Alf goes on his stag night where his friends have had a whip round for a cheap cutlery set and the bride comes in to take him home whilst he is enjoying himself with the stripper. Next day everybody assembles for the wedding but, on learning that he wants her to 'obey' him, Mrs H jilts Alf at the altar, complaining about his cheap skate ways. Fred thinks he has had a lucky escape but Alf disagrees, claiming that he could have been watching West Ham instead.
S5.E11 ∙ Christmas Special
Following the non-wedding the happy couple hold separate receptions with their same sex friends but just before Christmas Mrs Hollingbery goes to confession, the priest telling her that she has wronged Alf and should do penance. To Alf this means cooking and cleaning for him and, to make her feel guilty, pretends he had booked a luxury honeymoon for them. Mrs H however rebels and, when the priest visits to make her do further penance, makes sure she gets her money's worth.
S6.E1 ∙ Episode #6.1
A year later and Alf is still living under the same roof as - and bickering with - Mrs Hollingbery, particularly over her scrounging friend Michael. Alf really loses it when the alarm on a car parked outside his house goes off and decides to teach the driver a lesson, though of course it rebounds on him and his efforts to get revenge on the workmen digging a hole outside the house are equally as ineffectual.
S6.E2 ∙ Episode #6.2
Alf gets a job pushing the wheelchair to deliver papers but, after he has played a prank on an irate householder, a storm blows his papers away so he decides to gain efficiency by hooking his wheelchair to the milk float. Unfortunately he goes careering downhill - into the swimming pool of a black footballer he recently abused. There is reconciliation but a further misadventure with the chair lands him in a removals van on its way to Newcastle.
S6.E3 ∙ Episode #6.3
After holding forth on moral issues, Alf goes to the pub where the big news is that Fred Johnson's wife has left him for her Lesbian lover. To make matters worse she intends to move her into the marital home. Alf, of course, blames the French for introducing permissiveness into the country and ends up getting threatened by Mrs Johnson for his pains.
S6.E4 ∙ Episode #6.4
Mrs Hollingbery is laid up with a bad leg and Alf is not happy having to fend for himself so he makes an angry trip to the doctor. When the doctor comes to visit he finds himself beset by the Careys and Michael wanting advice for their ailments, leading to the doctor himself needing an ambulance. Later Alf takes Mrs Hollingbery out in her wheelchair and witnesses a blessed miracle as she gets up and runs - to the toilet.
S6.E5 ∙ Episode #6.5
When Alf gets stuck inside the wardrobe he is moving for Mrs Hollingbery he overhears her telling Mrs Carey she only wanted to marry him for his money so he takes all the cash he has been hoarding to the bank. The notes are so old they are no longer legal tender and having accumulated so much undeclared cash might cause problems with the tax office. Fortunately Alf sees a way round such matters.
S6.E6 ∙ Episode #6.6
Having deposited his wealth in several banks under assumed names Alf makes a hefty withdrawal but comes home to find his furniture has been stolen so he buys more and chains it down. Anxious to know how long he has left he visits a Harley Street doctor who books him into a private clinic, which soon becomes the scene of a good old knees up for Alf and his friends.
S6.E7 ∙ Episode #6.7
As Alf celebrates his wealth with a new snooker table, he takes Fred as a lodger and gets a visit from Min, still amorously pursuing him. He also gets a visit from the bank manager, who has brought the tax man to investigate why Alf is so wealthy. Alf persuades Michael and Fred to impersonate him and explain everything was won in competitions. He nearly gets away with it too.
