My Wife and Kids
Michael Kyle longs for a traditional life, but his day-trader wife Janet, gangsta rap-worshipping son Michael Jr., and brooding daughters Claire and Kady make his dream just that ... a dream.
Cast:Damon Wayans , Tisha Campbell , George Gore II , Parker McKenna Posey , Jennifer Freeman , Noah Gray-Cabey , Brooklyn Sudano , Andrew McFarlane , Lester Speight , Jazz Raycole , Damon Wayans Jr. , DeRay Davis , Ella Joyce , Phil Reeves , Meagan Good , Todd Lynn , Liliana Mumy , Dom Irrera
S1.E1 ∙ Pilot
Michael has been used to having his wife at home, taking care of him and the kids, but now she wants to use her hard-earned college degree.
S1.E2 ∙ The Truth Hurts
Janet and Michael find a tattoo parlor card in Junior's pants.
S1.E3 ∙ Grassy Knoll
When Michael and Jay realize that Jr. has been smoking marijuana, they provide him with an unforgettable night filled with fun and creative mind games. Meanwhile, Kady is disappointed that her big sister, Claire, won't spend time with her; and, to prevent their out-of-style clothes from being given away, Michael and Jay promise to wear the outfits for a week.
S1.E4 ∙ Of Breasts and Basketball
Claire's trying to attract boys in school so she goes bra shopping.
S1.E5 ∙ Making the Grade
Jr. gets an F in Algebra and forges it into an A. Claire finds out about it and soon starts to blackmail Jr. so she won't tell their parents.
S1.E6 ∙ Working It
Jr. has to get an A on his Algebra final. Michael and Janet decide they have to do something to make him study, so Michael offers him 1,000 dollars if he gets an A.
S1.E7 ∙ Snapping and Sniffing
Jr. is having problems at school with a bully, so Michael and Janet invite his parents over to discover some of the kid's weak points.
S1.E8 ∙ He Said, She Said
Jay wants Michael to quit watching TV and spend a little more time with the family - something that apparently only she wants.
S1.E9 ∙ Breaking Up and Breaking It
Claire develops her first real crush on a boy, and Michael does everything to break them up.
S1.E10 ∙ A Little Romance
Michael's brother Ken comes to visit and brings his newest girlfriend. While Jr. is mainly interested in seeing parts of her body, Michael envies his brother because his own sex life became a little boring.
S1.E11 ∙ Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
Michael's accountant dies suddenly, making Mike take a whole new perspective about his life.
S2.E1 ∙ Mom's Away: Part 1
While Jay is away taking care of her mother who broke a leg, Michael is left in charge of the house and the kids.
S2.E2 ∙ Mom's Away: Part 2
The pregnancy test was Charmaine's, who is thinking about running away from home. Thanks to Michael's advice on teen parenting.
S2.E3 ∙ No Rules
When Jay's away, the kids complain Michael is too strict; so he makes a bet that they can't go a week without any rules.
S2.E4 ∙ Perfect Dad
While Jay's visiting her mother, the kids tell Michael of their ideas of what would make him the perfect father; Michael turns it around by sharing his ideas of what perfect children would be like and each finds out how unpleasant that idea is.
S2.E5 ∙ Thru Thick and Thin
Jay returns from her mother's several pounds heavier than when she left and is in denial about it; when Michael tries to bring up the subject, Jay becomes hostile insisting that he should love her no matter how she looks.
S2.E6 ∙ He Heard, She Heard
Michael overhears Claire on the phone making plans to sneak off to a party when she's supposed to be spending the night at a friend's house. Kady overhears his plans to go to the party and bust Claire and put her picture on his 'Wall of Shame' so she helps Clair leave the party early. Michael is furious that Claire outsmarted him and sets out to find who helped her.
S2.E7 ∙ Michael's Garden
Michael's doctor wants him to undergo a colonoscopy but Michael is reluctant to do so; meanwhile Claire tries to trick Jay into doing her report on whaling in New England for her.
S2.E8 ∙ Let Them Eat Pie
When Junior dares Claire to eat Michael's piece of lemon meringue pie, Michael's previous lesson to the kids about sticking together comes back to bite him when nobody will fess up as to who ate it. So he tries a different lesson, of feeding them nothing but lemon meringue pie until somebody confesses.
S2.E9 ∙ Jay Gets Fired
Jay gets fired in front of the girls on "take your daughter to work day".
S2.E10 ∙ The Whole World Is Watching
Jay buys Jr. computer appliances (including a 24-hour broadcast webcam), and Michael protests saying he'll only use it for porno instead of studying.
S2.E11 ∙ Letting Go
Michael accidentally kills Kady's hamster and doesn't have the courage to tell her right away, which results in Kady playing around with a dead hamster.
S2.E12 ∙ Learning to Earn It
Michael decides to teach the kids how to handle money due to their inability of spending the allowance money wisely.
S2.E13 ∙ Quality Time
Janet interrupts Michael's video game so they can spend quality time. After a romantic dinner, Michael returns to his game and Jay takes it as a sign that he doesn't love her anymore. They decide to try a new therapist for an unbiased opinion and Jay is horrified to learn the new doctor agrees with Michael.
S2.E14 ∙ Get Out
Michael is on a mission -- to get his notoriously late family dressed and ready to go to a wedding in 15 minutes.
S2.E15 ∙ Road Trip
A family outing to see Paul Revere's house in honor of his birthday turns into a nightmare road trip when Jay and Claire get PMS and make the trip unbearable for everybody.
S2.E16 ∙ Table for Too Many: Part 1
Michael gets to the gas station and has to wait forever for the guy in front of him to move on. Irritated, he gets home to watch the Michael Jordan game on TV, but Jay says they're going out for family dinner.
S2.E17 ∙ Table for Too Many: Part 2
The entire dinner is doomed from the beginning.
S2.E18 ∙ Double Date
Claire wants to go on her first date with Tony, but Michael is reluctant to let her. So Michael decides he and Jay should also go with them to the movies so they can check on Tony.
S2.E19 ∙ Failure to Communicate
Michael's parents come to visit him, but Michael is worried about the way they treat each other and how that is reflecting on his own children.
S2.E20 ∙ Papa Said Knock You Out
Michael freaks out when he spots a gray hair, but not on his head.
S2.E21 ∙ Return of the Wall
Jay's overbearing competitive streak returns once again when she becomes the coach of Kady's soccer team, but quickly gets replaced by Michael when he proves he can make the game fun for the kids.
S2.E22 ∙ Working Relationship
Jay's feeling bored ever since she was fired. She can't think of anything else to do around the house, and won't let Michael watch the Jordan game until he hires her as the new accountant at his firm.
S2.E23 ∙ Jr. Kyle, Boy Genius
After receiving Jr.'s SATs score results (a perfect 1600), the Kyles believe they have a genius in the house and start treating him more respectfully.
S2.E24 ∙ Back Story
When the kids tease him about getting old, Michael pretends to have hurt his back in a game of Twister so they will have to cater to his every whim.
S2.E25 ∙ Make Over
Jay and Michael are grocery shopping when they run into Susan Green, former cheerleader from their high school.
S2.E27 ∙ Jr. Gets His License
Junior gets his license and is ready to get his own car; Michael already has one picked out but is disappointed when Junior instead brings home a piece of junk that he insists he can fix up. Meanwhile, Claire's school picture is coming up and she may regret pushing for a deluxe photo set when a trip to the dentist leaves her face bloated.
S2.E29 ∙ The Anniversary: Part 2
The anniversary day finally comes and Michael goes out to play golf, leaving Jay devastated at home. Later, she goes out for drinks with her girlfriend Wanda, who insists Jay should confront Michael. When she gets home, she starts to punch him with the Ali signed boxing gloves she bought for Michael, and he reveals he was just faking it all along with Wanda's help. He gets down on his knee and proposes to Jay. They have a vow renewal ceremony with the presence of Brian McKnight and renew their vows and reaffirm their love for each other.
S3.E1 ∙ The Kyles Go to Hawaii: Part 1
The Kyles are leaving for their family vacation on Hawaii, but instead of taking only one flight straight to the island, Michael thought it would be a good idea to make a quick tour around the country, so they make stops at New York, Chicago, Denver and other cities before they get to Hawaii (two days later). When they finally get there, Michael's luggage gets lost and they're forced to take a master suite because their reservation expired. While Michael wants to make it a romantic and resting trip, Jay wants to get to know place, and drags the entire family on a historical tour Ð except for Michael, who chose to sleep in.
S3.E2 ∙ The Kyles Go to Hawaii: Part 2
Michael and Janet decide to go out on a romantic dinner, leaving their kids all alone. Claire and Jr. fight over who'll have to stay in the room babysitting for Kady, but Claire lets her brother get out of the duty, after all it's not often he gets a date. Jr. has a memorable night on the beach with Leilani, a native girl. Kady and Claire decide to spend their times on the hotel's spa, while at the dinner table Jay and Michael both struggle to say no to the temptations they met à a female underwear model and a male chest/abs model. When they go back to the hotel, they find their three kids resting in peace. Kady and Claire are glowing like never before, and Jr. has the biggest smile on his face.
S3.E3 ∙ The Kyles Go to Hawaii: Part 3
A mad scramble ensues when Michael finds out that the family's flight home from Hawaii leaves much earlier than he thought, but matters are complicated when a love-smitten Jr. insists on staying with his new love, Leilani. Meanwhile Kady refuses to leave without her beloved doll, Little Pippy, and Claire has to go to extremes to keep her parents from finding out about her exorbitant hotel charges.
S3.E4 ∙ Samba Story
Jay is dissatisfied with how she and Michael spend their nights out and so signs them up for Samba lessons; Michael doesn't take kindly to Jay flirting with her male dance instructor and so decides to give her a dose of her own medicine by having him replaced with a sexy woman instructor. Meanwhile, Claire makes the cheerleading squad in school even though she doesn't have the coordination to make it and the family tries to break the news to her.
S3.E5 ∙ Diary of a Mad Teen
While making Claire's bed, Jay finds her diary hidden under the mattress. She can't resist the temptation of reading it and is quite shocked to learn that her daughter is thinking about taking the next step with Tony. She has a heart-to-heart talk with Claire, about the consequences of pursuing hr hormonal desires. Meanwhile, Michael is scheduled for an appointment with the eye doctor even though he insists there's nothing wrong with his sight (doesn't matter than he can't even read the paper without squishing his eyes).
S3.E6 ∙ Claire's New Boyfriend
Claire introduces her parents to her new boyfriend, Tony, who Michael doesn't believe is as innocent and honest as he seems. He and Jay accompany Claire and Tony on their first date to a movie theater to accompany the kids and make sure nothing happens.
S3.E7 ∙ Crouching Mother, Hidden Father
Jay is put in charge of directing Kady's class in a production of Romeo and Juliet; but when Jay becomes sick she is replaced by Michael, much to the children's delight, especially when he agrees to let them change the play.
S3.E8 ∙ The Fighting Kyles
When Michael and Jay can't stand Junior and Claire screaming at each other anymore, they decide to show the kids how bad they're acting by pretending to fight with each other, and the kids start to worry that their parents are going to break up.
S3.E9 ∙ Sister Story
Michael's sister Kelly is coming over for the weekend, which freaks Jay out because every time Kelly comes over she overstays her welcome and always gets on Jay's nerves. This time is no different, with Kelly constantly throwing on Jay's face that she is fatter than her, a worse cook than her and even tries to make her look like a bad singer, even though Jay can sing wonderfully. Things heat up when Kelly brings up Sharon, Michael's old girlfriend and Kelly's best friend. The two women get into an argument and it's up to Michael to break them up. He pulls it, and Kelly and Jay finally get along. But for how long?
S3.E10 ∙ Jr.'s Dating Dilemma
Michael decides to help Junior on his women approach techniques, seeing that his son has absolutely no clue on how to behave around women. His advice consists on primarily having women say "really?", which is the key for a successful approach. When Jr. tests Michael's advice on one of Claire friends, he's surprised that it works, and even gets the girl to agree on going on a school dance with him. But Jr. was just testing her so he could ask the hottest girl on school out, which he does (and she accepts, on a move to make her ex-boyfriend jealous). Claire's friend is crushed, and Michael now has to teach him how to apologize properly to a woman.
S3.E11 ∙ Jay the Artist
Feeling that she has no space and time of her own due to home duties, Jay decides to paint. The result is a portrait of Michael based on Michelangelo's David, which makes Michael feel a little bit "diminished". They start an argument over it, which ends on Michael finally agreeing on letting Jay show her work at a friend's art gallery à with a "big" change, that is. Meanwhile, Michael renews acquaintances with old buddy Steve, while the kids are encouraged to develop their artistic abilities as well. Claire designs clothes, Kady plays the piano and Junior, like his mother, decides to paint.
S3.E12 ∙ Chair Man of the Board
Michael's old friend Tommy is coming over and Michael is very excited because he and Tommy used to compete for everything. But his excitement soon turns into awkwardness when Tommy shows up in a wheelchair and Michael doesn't know how to act with the situation. Tommy decides to take advantage of that until they have a talk in which Tommy asks Michael to treat him like he used to, because despite the wheelchair he's the same guy that used to race Michael for anything. Meanwhile, Claire is caught shoplifting and gets grounded for it. When she confronts Kady about who put the nail polishers in her purse she feels so guilty she confesses to their parents that Claire didn't do it.
S3.E13 ∙ Open Your Heart
Jay decides to attend an "Open Your Heart" seminar for struggling couples, even though she and Michael are happier than ever. Her excuse is "prevention", but Michael warns her not to try fixing something that isn't broken. At the seminar, they are teased against each other and stop talking to one another. It takes Kady suffering an accident at school for them to realize how important communication between them really is. Meanwhile, Michael wants his children to learn the value of money and tells Jr. to start his own business.
S3.E14 ∙ Michael's Tribe
Michael (aka: Chief Bald Eagle) is recruited to camp out with Kady and her friends and teach them Native American lore. Meanwhile, Clare and "the new Tony" plan to stay out all night themselves: they're plotting to sneak out to a "rave."
S3.E15 ∙ Blackout
While hoping to have the house to himself, Michael tries to get Kady to quit acting like a little kid, and rents the movie Gremlins to give her something grown-up to watch. Kady's frightened by the movie and her fears are only heightened when the city goes into a blackout. The Kyles try to make the most of a night at home without any power.
S3.E16 ∙ Man of the Year
Michael is convinced that he's going to win the Man of the Year award, but falls into a deep depression when he doesn't; Jay rallies the kids together to put together a different award ceremony to show Michael how much they appreciate him.
S3.E17 ∙ Jr.'s Risky Business: Part 1
As a very impressed Michael sees it, his son's girlfriend, Vanessa is an absolute prize: "She's beautiful, smart, personable and polite... you guys have nothing in common," he tells Jr. But there's something about her that rubs Jay the wrong way. Elsewhere in the courtship department, Kady's similarly smart and personable gentleman caller is a budding piano prodigy named Franklin. As for Claire, all she's courting is a severe case of nerves: the PSATs are coming up and her face has broken out in hives.
S3.E18 ∙ Jr.'s Risky Business: Part 2
After Jay and Michel found their son Jr. in bed with his new found girlfriend Vanessa, Micheal finds it best that he kick Jr. out of the house. Jay is not so sure this is the best punishment for her son so she decides to help him. In doing that she also learns Vanessa is in love with Jr. which cause some sacrifices for Michael.
S3.E19 ∙ Jury Duty
Jay and Michael wind up on jury duty in the same trial case, and Michael belittles Jay when she's the only one who votes not guilty. But he quickly changes his tune to acquit after he has an encounter with a man he's convinced is working for the mob.
S3.E20 ∙ Here Comes Da Judge
Junior, Vanessa, Claire, Tony, Kady and Franklin find a wallet full of money and argue over who found it first and has rights to it, so Michael acts as judge to decide who the rightful owner of the money should be.
S3.E21 ∙ Claire's Permit
When Claire gets her permit she's ready to start driving, but her first lesson with Michael proves disastrous when he constantly yells at her and makes her nervous. When the family is gone, Claire decides to go driving by herself, but Michael spots her and steals the car when she isn't looking and waits to see how long it'll take for Claire to confess.
S3.E22 ∙ Sharon's Picture
Jay has Junior help her sort through a pile of Michael's stuff in the garage that hasn't been touched in five years and finds an old picture of his ex-girlfriend Sharon and accuses him of cheating on her with a picture.
S3.E23 ∙ Tee for Too Many
Jay wants she and Michael to do more things together so she tags along for his golf game and ruins it, so Michael gets revenge by showing up at her yoga class unannounced and embarrassing her.
S3.E24 ∙ The Big Bang Theory
Claire and Tony announce they plan to have sex, and while Michael and Jay try to handle it better than their parents, they try various ways to talk the kids out of it.
S3.E25 ∙ Not So Hostile Takeover
Michael doesn't want Claire going to prom, so he and Jay attend as chaperones and wind up being more popular with the kids than Claire is.
S3.E26 ∙ Graduation: Part 1
It's time for Jr. to graduate high school and move on to college. The problem is Jr. wants to go to the same college as Vanessa. This puts a downer on Michael and Jay who were hoping college would be a break for Jr. and Vanessa. However they don't worry because Jr. can't get into the same college any way until he decides to ask Michael and Jay for help so he can get in and be with Vanessa.
S3.E27 ∙ Graduation: Part 2
Junior finally graduates, and his parents give him a trip to Japan as a gift à and as a way to separate Junior and Vanessa, who are planning on moving in together and getting married as soon as they start college. Both Kady and Clare admit their sadness on Junior leaving, and Michael and Jay feel proud of having raised a semi-successful child. They go out to relive some of their memories and when they come back late at night they find Junior and Vanessa sitting in the kitchen. He's decided not to go to Japan anymore. Vanessa is pregnant.
S4.E1 ∙ From Dummy to Daddy
Junior drops the bomb that Vanessa is pregnant, Michael and Jay have to figure out how to deal with the news.
S4.E2 ∙ The Sweet Hairafter
Michael is convinced to try a new hair product after seeing the success a previously bald friend of his had with it. But as his hair starts to come in, Jay is fed up with his new and strange behavior, and Michael becomes convinced that Jay is trying to kill him.
S4.E3 ∙ Jr. Executive
Michael wants Jr. to learn the family business by starting at the bottom, so he assigns Jr. to do menial jobs around Kyle Trucking. Jr., however, decides to use the fact that he's the boss' son to his advantage and convinces other employees to do his work for him. Meanwhile, Claire arranges a secret date with a guy she met on the Internet in a Shakespeare chat room.
S4.E4 ∙ Jay Goes to School
Jay drops the bomb that she has enrolled in college, and despite Michael forbidding her, she goes anyway. At first the kids are behind her but as she becomes obsessed with her psychology class and diagnoses everybody, Michael tries to find a way to knock some sense into her before she drives the whole family crazy.
S4.E5 ∙ Meet the Parents
Vanessa's parents come over the Kyles house to discuss the future baby's situation. Michael is outraged with the demands from the Scotts, but Calvin's size makes Michael think twice before taking any drastic measures. They take the Scotts out for dinner and are left with the bill. Realizing they have a couple of con artists on their hands, Michael and Jay stand up for themselves and set the baby's true needs à which don't include a new house for the Scotts as Calvin wanted.
S4.E6 ∙ He's Having a Baby
When Jr. reveals he's not taking his fatherly responsibilities seriously, Michael makes a bet that he can't take care of a balloon baby like a real baby for a week, and if Jr. loses he has to enroll in a parenting class.
S4.E7 ∙ The Funeral
The Kyles are willing to support Michael's inconsolable employee, Larry, who can't get over losing his 103-year-old grandmother. But Larry goes overboard when, at the funeral, he asks little Kady to kiss his "Grammy" goodbye and for Jay to sing his beloved grandmother's favorite R&B song.
S4.E8 ∙ Ultrasound
The Kyles and Vanessa's parents escort her to her first ultrasound. When asked if they wanted to know the baby's sex, Michael is the only one who stands out with a positive answer. Obsessed with knowing whether he's having a grandson or a granddaughter, he tries by all means to have the doctor tell him. He finally assumes it's a boy, and tells Jay and eventually the rest of the family. But in the end the situation reverses as they all confirm with the doctor the real sex of the future Kyle and leave Michael out in the rain. Meanwhile, Franklyn freaks out with the idea of losing Kady to "Smilin' Willie" and tries to learn how to be a dance master.
S4.E9 ∙ Marathon
Jay diets and exercises in training for an upcoming marathon, Michael laughs off all her training by insisting he can run faster than she can. But when the big day comes, Michael has to cheat in order to make it to the finish line first.
S4.E10 ∙ While Out
Kady's at a slumber party and Jay and Michael go out for the night, but because Michael didn't recite the rules 'no friends, no freedom, no fire, no fun', Claire decides to throw a wild party.
S4.E11 ∙ Micheal's Band
When Michael's old friend and former bandmate, Johnny "Saxophone" Watson, comes to town for a gig, it turns out Johnny's piano player can't make it. Michael eagerly accepts an invitation to take the man's place, but refuses to admit that his musical skills have gotten rusty. Meanwhile, love is blind when it comes to Franklin realizing that his little sister, Aretha, is a much better singer than the tone-deaf Kady.
S4.E12 ∙ The Lady Is Not a Tramp
Michael finds a pack of condoms in Claire's backpack and jumps to conclusions since her boyfriend Tony is coming back from spending 40 days in the desert. Junior accidentally gives Kady his dog's medicine instead of her allergy medicine and Michael decides to teach him a lesson about responsibility since he'll be a father soon.
S4.E13 ∙ Of Mice and Man
When Jay finds mouse droppings, she demands that Michael hire an exterminator to get rid of them, but, as usual, Michael is determined to handle it himself. Meanwhile, Claire is also freaked out by a rodent when she accidentally runs over a squirrel while driving home.
S4.E14 ∙ Moving on Out
Tired of living in the garage, Jr. looks for an apartment and enlists his buddy, John, to be a co-signer... except that John has to dress up and pose as Jr.'s grandmother for the realtor. When Jr. and Vanessa's families come to visit the couple's new apartment, Jay is shocked to find that her new grandchild might be living in a run-down building with yellow police tape around the entrance.
S4.E15 ∙ Candy Wars
When Kady wants to spend some quality time with her father, she enlists Michael's help in the school candy drive. But when the father of last year's winner claims he can prevail once again, a competitive Michael loses sight of helping Kady and commits to selling an exorbitant number of chocolate bars.
S4.E16 ∙ Jr. Sells His Car
Jr. restores his prized 1964 Impala, but then he and Vanessa surprise everyone when they decide to sell it in order to have money for their new baby. Meanwhile, Franklin seeks advice from Michael on how to act more like a normal kid.
S4.E17 ∙ The Anniversary Present
Michael and Jay try to hide their disappointment when they don't receive the wedding anniversary gifts each are expecting from each other. Meanwhile, with Franklin's help, novice cook Claire hopes to prepare a gourmet dinner for her parents' anniversary present.
S4.E18 ∙ Illegal Smile
Michael gets a ticket for reckless driving and has to appear in court. Jay becomes obsessed with getting Botox and she and Michael both get a shot, resulting in their faces being frozen the next day. When Michael appears before the judge and can't remove the giant grin from his face, he gets thrown in jail.
S4.E19 ∙ Outbreak Monkey
When an ecstatic Michael scores a ticket to see basketball star LeBron James play at Madison Square Garden, his excitement quickly turns to paranoia when, just days before the game, everyone in the Kyle household - except Michael - comes down with the flu. To ensure that he won't miss the game, he goes to absurd extremes to keep from getting sick, including spraying disinfectant on his family and using a ten-foot grabber to hand Jay her orange juice.
S4.E20 ∙ Empty Nest: Part 1
During a rare occasion when Michael and Jay have the house to themselves, they find themselves reminiscing about the fun times they've had with their kids and various friends. Some of these memorable moments include Jay's obsession with her weight and Michael's visit to a proctologist.
S4.E21 ∙ Empty Nest: Part 2
The conclusion of a two-part highlight episode features clips of Michael's "minor glitches" and Jay's concern about her weight.
S4.E22 ∙ Calvin Comes to Stay
Calvin, Vanessa's gregarious father, has an argument with his wife, Jasmine, gets kicked out of the house and moves in with the Kyles, against their wishes. When he starts eating everything in sight and keeps everyone awake with his loud snoring, a frustrated Michael comes up with a clever plan to get Calvin back home.
S4.E23 ∙ Calvin Goes to Work
When the overwhelmingly strong and gregarious Calvin, Vanessa's dad, begs Michael to give him a job at Kyle Trucking, Michael does so reluctantly and his worst fears are realized. Calvin's way of dealing with customers and merchandise leaves a little to be desired, and now Michael must find a way to get rid of the man without getting himself hurt in the process. Meanwhile, Claire gets Franklin to help her with her science paper.
S4.E24 ∙ Romantic Night
Wanting to spend quiet time together, Michael plans a romantic evening with Jay at an exclusive hotel. Then, when Jr. mistakenly cancels the reservation, Michael tries to create a romantic night at home. But things take a disastrous turn when Michael hurts his head trying to shut off the water valve, Jay handcuffs them to each other - but can't find the key - and a burnt roast almost causes the house to burn down.
S4.E25 ∙ The Director
In his excitement to tape a basketball game, Michael accidentally records over a home video of Kady's first steps, which happens to be one of Jay's most cherished family moments. When Jay decides to have a family home movie night, Michael must act quickly and enlists Franklin's help to reenact that moment of Kyle family history.
S4.E26 ∙ The Maid
While Jay is away at a seminar, Michael hires a maid, Mrs. Hopkins, to look after the family. Mrs. Hopkins fulfills their every need and wants to a sweet perfection, including homemade ice cream, an immaculately clean house and handmade outfits for Claire. When Jay comes home, she appreciates Mrs. Hopkins' attention to every detail, but begins to feel that perhaps she has taken over just a bit too much.
S4.E27 ∙ Hand Model
In a twist of fate, Michael is recruited as a hand model during Claire's modeling audition. As he flaunts his newfound fame, he is careful to protect the family's new financial asset - his hands. Meanwhile Franklin feels threatened by Kady's friendship with Rachel, so, on Jr.'s advice, he takes matters into his own hands.
S4.E28 ∙ What Do You Know?
During Family Night, Jay suggests they play a game called "What Do You Know?" where the men and women take sides and answer personal questions about their spouses; but the men get every question wrong and Michael especially winds up in the doghouse for saying Jay's dress size is 16 instead of 6.
S4.E29 ∙ The Baby: Part 1
Jr. and Vanessa announce that they want to have the baby at home with the help of Summer Breeze, a midwife whose natural childbirth methods include the whole family's participation.
S4.E30 ∙ The Baby: Part 2
Jr. and Vanessa announce that they want to have the baby at home with the help of Summer Breeze, a midwife whose natural childbirth methods include the whole family's participation.
S5.E1 ∙ Fantasy Camp: Part 1
Michael can't focus on much else after learning that he'll be going to sports legend Michael Jordan's fantasy basketball camp in Las Vegas. Everyone shares his excitement - but for different reasons - and finds some reason as to why they should tag along. Once there, Michael learns that there's been a mix-up with the game schedule, so he resorts to some inventive ploys of his own to ensure he gets to play his idol.
S5.E2 ∙ Fantasy Camp: Part 2
Michael can't focus on much else after learning that he'll be going to sports legend Michael Jordan's fantasy basketball camp in Las Vegas. Everyone shares his excitement - but for different reasons - and finds some reason as to why they should tag along. Once there, Michael learns that there's been a mix-up with the game schedule, so he resorts to some inventive ploys of his own to ensure he gets to play his idol.
S5.E3 ∙ Childcare Class
Even though Michael is the only one who can get Jr. and Vanessa's baby to stop crying, after he fails a childcare class the entire family snubs him and refuses to let him be near the baby because he's not certified.
S5.E4 ∙ Class Reunion
Michael refuses to go to his high school reunion because he lost the dance-off against Bobby Shaw as teenagers. After seeing Bobby again, Michael decides to go and compete in a new dance off where he promises to deliver the "Triple Bye Bye Birdie" move that everyone says is impossible.
S5.E5 ∙ The Fellowship of the Baby
Jr. is burnt out at being a father and Michael decides to use 'the magic baby' trick. Michael makes Jr. believe he is a genius whenever he's holding the baby and it inspires Jr. to retake his SATs.
S5.E6 ∙ Poker Face
Michael advises Jr. that it's ok to spend some time away from Vanessa and the baby, but his advice misfires when Jr. invites Jay along to their all-male poker game. Michael decides, in turn, to crash Jay's all-female book club, where they're discussing the latest book by Angeline Boudreaux.
S5.E7 ∙ The Proposal
Jay enters the family into a karaoke contest under the guise of family bonding, but Michael sees it's another way for her competitive streak to shine through. As the house divides into groups, Jr. tries to find the right way and time to propose to Vanessa.
S5.E8 ∙ Restaurant Wars
At first, Michael is skeptical that Jay can be successful at opening her own soul-food restaurant. But his competitive and supportive sides emerge when the Hoos, the owners of the Chinese restaurant across the street, use sneaky tactics to put "Jay's Soooooouuuul Kitchen" out of business.
S5.E9 ∙ The Return of Bobby Shaw
Michael's enemy, Bobby Shaw tricks Jr. into signing a contract making Jr. his slave. When Michael tries to get him out of the contract, they end up in a dance off.
S5.E10 ∙ The Wedding
Jr. and Vanessa's plan for a small, simple wedding get drowned out by Michael and Jay's lavish plans for the wedding of the century. Vanessa finally puts her foot down when Jr. can't stand up to his father and they run away to elope.
S5.E11 ∙ Careful What You Wish For
After Michael treats Jay horribly during a double date with Jr. and Vanessa, who are still very much in love, Jay demands that Michael be more attentive to her, but he takes it to maddening levels to punish her.
S5.E12 ∙ They Call Me El Foosay
Vanessa buys Junior a foosball table. Michael beats him in a game and becomes obsessed with it. They all get sick of Michael's actions and propose a plan. Michael says that if anyone can score one goal against him he will chop the table up, with "El Foosey" surprising him and winning.
S5.E13 ∙ Study Buddy
Michael feels neglected because Jay is spending all of her time studying for her psychology final. He decides to tutor her, but his efforts cause her to fail. To make it up to her, he tries to bribe her professor to let her re-take the test. Meanwhile, when Kady thinks Franklin prefers her smart friend over her, she tries to act more "brainy."
S5.E14 ∙ Sweetheart's Day
Jay announces that Saturday is Sweethearts Day, a holiday she made up solely for Michael to buy her diamonds. Michael uses a test basing Jay's attitude at a random moment to weigh how much she's worth and gets her a cheap gift, but when the truth is revealed his plan blows up in his face as Jay rates his every move.
S5.E15 ∙ Silence Is Golden
Michael reluctantly accompanies Jay on a meditation weekend, where he has trouble following the rule of silence.
S5.E16 ∙ The Bahamas: Part 1
When the Kyles arrive at the Atlantis, Paradise Island resort in the Bahamas for their family vacation, Michael announces that all he wants to do is get some rest and relaxation-by himself. But no sooner does he settle into his lounge chair for some peace and quiet than his talkative and annoying golf buddy, Jimmy (David Alan Grier), shows up and insists that they spend time together. Michael is relieved to find a way out when Jay invites him to the isolated Magic Island so they can have some romantic fun. As their day winds down and it's time to leave, the boat never shows up to take them back and the couple find themselves stranded in the middle of nowhere.
S5.E17 ∙ The Bahamas: Part 2
While at the Atlantis, Paradise Island resort in the Bahamas for a family vacation, lovebirds Michael and Jay find themselves stranded on the isolated Magic Island - along with a rapidly rising tide -- and the only other person there who can help them is Michael's talkative and annoying golf buddy, Jimmy (David Alan Grier) -- who refuses to do so since they weren't willing to spend time with him when they had the chance. Meanwhile, Jr. leaves Vanessa and the baby behind so he can enjoy the resort's activities; Tony and Claire hang out at the beach bar and she realizes too late that her island drink contains alcohol; and Kady and Franklin run into his nemesis, Francesco Mumfordi.
S5.E18 ∙ The Remodel
Realizing that the garage is no longer a suitable living situation for Jr., Vanessa and the baby, Jay insists that Michael have it remodeled. When the contractor bids are too expensive for his taste, Michael decides to take on the job himself, with Jr.'s help. But when they get in over their heads, Franklin -- who happens to be a certified contractor - has to come to their rescue.
S5.E19 ∙ Michael Joins a Gym
The same day Michael realizes he can't fit into his favorite pair of vintage jeans, he runs into an old high school friend, the muscular Daryl (Terry Crews), who doesn't look any older than when Michael last saw him. He enlists Darryl's help to get him back into shape and, in the process, becomes obsessed with looking fit and buff. Meanwhile, Franklin fails his first test and fears that Kady will no longer accept him.
S5.E20 ∙ Jr.'s Cartoon
When Jr. wins a national competition for his cartoon entitled "My Wife and Kid" -- based on himself, Vanessa, the baby and the rest of the Kyle family -- it catches the attention of ABC. Michael becomes Jr.'s agent, but the meeting with the television executives goes badly, crushing Jr.'s dream opportunity, so now Michael has to find a way to rectify the situation. Meanwhile, Claire threatens to break up with Tony unless he can bring some "umph" into their relationship.
S5.E21 ∙ Celibacy
When Jay tells Michael that their love life will be even better if they are celibate for six months, Michael is willing to abide by her wishes, although reluctantly. Meanwhile, Franklin and Kady plant some seeds in the ground to symbolize their growing love for each other, but the seeds grow into an ingredient for a love potion that Jay uses to spice up her romantic dinner for Michael.
S5.E22 ∙ Michael's Sandwich
Under a time deadline to catch his flight to an important golf match at Pebble Beach, Michael tries to hurry and pack, but various family distractions keep getting in his way. He ultimately decides Jay and his family are more important to go and ends up bringing back a surprise.
S5.E23 ∙ Graduation Day
It's Jay's college graduation day and Michael is determined to make it go flawlessly - but everything that could go wrong does, and the day seems destined for disaster. To make matters worse, Jay thinks Michael, who didn't want her to go to college in the first place, is trying to sabotage her special day.
S5.E24 ∙ Michael Sells the Business
With a lucrative bid from a large company offering to purchase Kyle Trucking, Michael convinces Jay that, if they sold their business, they'd be able to spend more quality time with Jr., Jr. and watch him grow up -- something they wish they could have done more of with their own kids. But the offer goes bust and Michael's nemesis, Bobby Shaw (Katt Williams), comes up with a surprising proposal. Meanwhile, Kady and Claire antagonize each other over who gets to spend more time in the bathroom.
S5.E25 ∙ RV Dreams
Michael, who is determined to make record time driving from Connecticut to the Grand Canyon in a luxurious R.V., convinces his reluctant family to make the road trip so they can spend quality time together. Along the way, Michael puts the family through many misadventures -- including getting lost -- and in his haste neglects to read one of the R.V. manual's most crucial operational features.
S5.E26 ∙ The 'V' Story
Jay reads about a 67 year old woman giving birth and demands that Michael get a vasectomy so she won't have to worry about becoming an old mother with a new child.
