Steptoe and Son
British sitcom about a father-and-son rag-and-bone business in London. The intergenerational divide between the miserly Steptoe and his ambitious son results in comedy, drama, and tragedy.
Genre: Comedy
Cast:Wilfrid Brambell , Harry H. Corbett , Frank Thornton , Tim Buckland , Dudley Foster , Anthony Sharp , Valerie Bell , Michael Stainton , Bill Maxam , George Tovey , Peter Thompson , Charlie Bird , Victor Harrington , Colin Gordon , Yootha Joyce , Leonard Rossiter , George A. Cooper , Norman Bird
S1.E1 ∙ The Offer: Pilot
Harold Steptoe is thirty-seven and, since leaving the army, has been a drudge for his widowed, selfish father Albert, totting for goods to sell in their rag-and-bone business. One day Harold gets the offer of a better job and is determined to take it. Albert, however, fearing loneliness if Harold goes, knows just how to keep his son at home.
S1.E2 ∙ The Bird
Harold has met a woman called Roxanne, who is coming round to the Steptoes' house for a meal. Albert is not happy. Suppose she and Harold get together and leave him. Roxanne is an hour late in turning up, by which time the dinner has spoiled and Harold tells her to push off. What a pity he didn't realize that Albert put the hands on the clock forward and she really was on time.
S1.E3 ∙ The Piano
Harold has the offer of a piano, which its owner is selling cheap. Unfortunately it's in a top floor flat and Harold has to get Albert to help move it downstairs. Albert is incompetent and Harold rails at him, which doesn't please the piano owner, who feels Harold should respect his father. When a policeman comes to tell Harold his horse and cart are illegally parked, he goes off the idea of the piano and leaves it stuck in the doorway.
S1.E4 ∙ The Economist
Harold buys a huge job lot of sets of dentures for forty pounds but has no luck in selling them, even when he advertises them all in the local paper at the price he paid for them. As a final measure he uses his last ten pounds to buy a load of gas masks, offering a set of dentures free with each one sold.
S1.E5 ∙ The Diploma
Tired of being a rag-and-bone man, Harold decides he wants to do something different and enrolls upon a course which will give him a qualification as a television repairs man. Unfortunately Albert seems to know more about the subject than he does and ultimately ruins it for him.
S1.E6 ∙ The Holiday
Albert wants to go to Bognor Regis on holiday - the same resort they have always been to but Harold fancies something more exotic, a holiday abroad, skiing perhaps. Albert can see no virtue in going abroad and soon afterwards has yet another of his turns. The doctor comes out and suggests Harold takes him away for complete rest - to Bognor Regis.
S2.E1 ∙ Wallah-Wallah Catsmeat
When Hercules the horse seems to be ill, an initially depressed Harold is much cheered when the other rag and bone men bring good quality goods for him to sell since he can't go out totting himself. And when the vet explains that Hercules is merely suffering from insomnia and not destined to become Wallah-Wallah cats meat, Harold uses the situation to his advantage.
S2.E3 ∙ The Stepmother
Harold is not happy when Albert announces that he intends to marry widowed sweet-shop owner Emma Marshall, especially as he will be kicked out of the house if the wedding goes ahead. When Emma comes to visit he deliberately gets his father annoyed so that Emma sees his nasty side and calls off the wedding.
S2.E4 ∙ Sixty-Five Today
It's Albert's sixty-fifth birthday and, after pretending he has forgotten, Harold buys him a pair of gloves. He takes him to the theatre and to a Chinese restaurant for a birthday treat but these are alien to Albert and the evening ends in disaster.
S2.E5 ∙ A Musical Evening
Harold plans a musical evening with some old 78rpm records, while Steptoe Sr. insists on noisily mending his shoes.
S2.E6 ∙ Full House
Albert is unhappy when Harold brings three new friends round to play cards, suspecting, rightly, that they are cheats taking advantage of Harold's gullibility. So he sends Harold out to buy a jug of beer and takes his place at the card table. When Harold returns he finds that his father - who has said that gambling is a sin - is a better cheat than the card-sharps and has won all their money back.
S2.E7 ∙ Is That Your Horse Outside
Harold meets and falls for Dorothia, a wealthy woman who has been separated from her husband for five years. He thinks they have a future together. His father thinks that she is merely amusing herself with a bit of rough. Sadly for Harold he discovers that Albert is right when he goes to the house and finds the coalman's lorry outside.
S3.E1 ∙ Homes Fit for Heroes
Harold is planning to join the crew of a sailing ship travelling the world for two years, so he puts a reluctant and unhappy Albert into an old people's home in the country. In the end, however, it is Harold who is made to feel old as the other crew members are all twenty-somethings and feel he would not fit in so his trip is off, meaning a delighted Albert can return home.
S3.E2 ∙ The Wooden Overcoats
Trouble ensues when Harold brings home a cart full of coffins.
S3.E3 ∙ The Lead Man Cometh
Harold and Albert are offered lead by Welsh Hughie a dodgy sort of character who claims to have got it legitimately from a local church. Albert is suspicious but they decide to buy the lead anyway for 10 quid as it would fetch 50 quid on the market. When a policeman comes round searching for lead, the Steptoes decide to dump the lead in the river but little did they know the lead came from their own roof in the first place.
S3.E4 ∙ Steptoe a la Cart
Harold meets a French girl Monique and asks her around to his place to meet his Dad. But unbeknown to Harold, Albert speaks perfect French and is a hit with Monique. But as they get to talking about Albert's past in France they have the realization that Albert is in fact Monique's Grandfather, which means that Harold is dating his niece.
S3.E5 ∙ Sunday for Seven Days
Steptoe and Son decide to go to the movies, but are split over which film to see. Harold wants to see Fellini's '8½ (1963)', while Albert prefers Nudes of 1964.
S3.E6 ∙ The Bond That Binds Us
Albert wins £1000 on the Premium Bonds and is intent on spending it himself.
S3.E7 ∙ The Lodger
When Albert advertises for a lodger, selling the room as being in a mews flat, this is too much for Harold, who gets a new job in removals and moves out of the house in Oil Drum Lane. However Harold's new job does not work out and he is relieved to find that his father failed to get a lodger and so things revert back to normal.
S4.E1 ∙ And Afterwards at...
Harold almost ties the knot, but his bride gets cold feet, much to the joy of Albert.
S4.E2 ∙ Crossed Swords
Harold picks up a porcelain figurine, which an antique dealer authenticates as being genuine Meissen and offers two-hundred and fifty pounds for it. Harold decides he would get a better price for it at an auction but his, and Albert's, attempts to raise the bidding price means that they end up buying it themselves.
S4.E3 ∙ Those Magnificent Men and Their Heating Machines
Harold decides that the house needs a central heating system and, having got some radiators on his round, he will plumb it in himself. The result is a disaster as the pipes are visible above the floor-boards and, when the system is turned on, all the heaters start moving and making ominous noises.
S4.E4 ∙ The Siege of Steptoe Street
Due to numerous bills, including for delicacies Harold bought on tick from Mr. Stacey the butcher, the Steptoes find themselves besieged by all the people to whom they owe money plus bailiffs. When the creditors finally break in to take away the furniture, Albert arranges an 'accident' which makes it look as if Mr. Stacey has attacked him and reverses the situation by threatening to sue.
S4.E5 ∙ A Box in Town
Harold brings his new girl-friend back to the house but, because Albert refuses to go upstairs to bed, he has to entertain her in the yard. He resolves to get a bachelor pad in town but finds that all his old girl-friends are now married. Albert, on the other hand, now that he has no son to cramp his style, can have the pick of all the old ladies at the Darby and Joan Club.
S4.E6 ∙ My Old Man's a Tory
Having bought a Gannex mac like Harold Wilson, Harold hopes to be chosen as the ward's new Labour candidate and calls a party meeting, watched by a baleful, Tory-supporting Albert. However Albert comes to his son's defence when the local party agent Stonelake announces that Harold has not been selected as the prospective candidate because he is too working class and the party are out to court the middle class vote.
S4.E7 ∙ Pilgrim's Progress
Albert, wearing his medals from World War One and accompanied by Harold, is on a plane going to re-visit his former battle-fields. When an American passenger admires Albert's medals, he retaliates by accusing the Americans of always coming in too late. After a row with a Frenchman, whom Albert accuses of stealing Englishwomen, Steptoe and Son are both deported back to England, but Albert considers another pilgrimage next year to Arabia.
S5.E1 ∙ A Death in the Family
When Hercules the horse dies Albert takes to his bed. Harold buys another horse which he names Samson, but then this horse also appears to fall ill. When Albert gets up to tend to the horse he finds out that the illness is actually a pregnancy and Samson is a mare after all. Rather than call her Delilah, the name Hercules II is chosen.
S5.E2 ∙ A Winter's Tale
Harold is planning a skiing holiday in Austria, but Albert objects as per usual.
S5.E3 ∙ Any Old Iron?
Timothy Stanhope, an elderly antique dealer, comes to the Steptoes' yard. He is a cultured man and Harold sees the opportunity to make a friend with whom he can converse about the finer points in life. Unfortunately, he has not twigged that Timothy is gay and wants him for more than erudite conversation. Albert has but Harold ignores his father's warning and goes to Timothy's flat. He soon comes back again.
S5.E4 ∙ Steptoe and Son - and Son!
When heavily pregnant Daphne comes to the yard looking for Harold, whom she suspects is the father of her baby following a one night stand at a party, Albert tries to get rid of her. But Harold warms to the idea of being a father and Albert becomes proud for his son. Unfortunately it turns out that Harold is not the father after all, another party-goer called George is, and he asks Harold to be best man at his wedding to Daphne. Albert does his best to comfort his disappointed son.
S5.E5 ∙ The Colour Problem
Sick of watching his old monochrome television through a magnifying glass, Albert wants a colour set but Harold uses the money to buy a sports car to take new girl-friend Muriel to Brighton. When Albert wanders off and ends up in hospital suffering from amnesia, Harold sells the car and buys a colour television instead to jog Albert's memory when he takes him home. But Albert seems to remember quite a lot as it is.
S5.E6 ∙ T.B. or Not T.B.?
Albert has been coughing a lot and Harold accompanies him to the hospital where they both submit to having X-rays taken. Whilst Albert gets the all clear there is an unusual growth on Harold's X-ray and tuberculosis is suspected. However it turns out to be a necklace that Harold was wearing that showed up on the X-ray and he is cleared.
S5.E7 ∙ Men of Property
With the lease on their house about to run out Steptoe and Son visit their local bank manager to arrange a loan and over-draft facilities. He is quite agreeable but insists they wine and dine him and his wife at an expensive local restaurant. Harold gets ever so slightly overdrawn as a result of buying the food but unfortunately Albert's usual lucky touch deserts him at the gaming tables when he tries to recoup the rest.
S6.E1 ∙ Robbery with Violence
Albert accidentally knocks over Harold's china cabinet, smashing its contents. Scared to face his son he hides the broken pieces along with other items, knocks himself unconscious and claims he was robbed by five skinheads and a Pakistani. Harold calls the police who commend Albert on his bravery in tackling the intruders. He is even awarded a medal. It looks like he might just have got away with it until Harold looks in the old gas cooker and makes an unwelcome discovery.
S6.E2 ∙ Come Dancing
Harold wants to win the affections of a woman called Jean who is a great fan of ballroom dancing but is pessimistic because he has two left feet. Albert, on the other hand, was once very light on his feet so he teaches Harold the basic steps with which to impress Jean. Unfortunately Albert has been leading all the time and Harold going backwards so he ends up only learning the woman's steps.
S6.E3 ∙ Two's Company
Harold is predictably displeased when Albert announces his intention to marry again, but he is shocked when he sees that his prospective stepmother, Daphne, is a woman he went out with himself many years earlier, losing touch with her due to a misunderstanding when he joined the army. Daphne and Harold's old feelings for each other come back immediately, leading Daphne to make a hard decision and give up both Steptoe and Son.
S6.E4 ∙ Tea for Two
Campaigning for the by-election has started and, despite his failure to be selected, Harold is still a Labour supporter whilst Albert is voting Tory - not only that but Prime Minister Heath is coming to tea with him. Harold is appalled and plans not only a nude protest for the photo call but a nasty surprise in the toilet which is unfortunately discovered by the Tory agent when he comes to announce that Heath's visit is off.
S6.E5 ∙ Without Prejudice
Harold wants to move up in the world so he and a reluctant Albert go to view a suburban semi-detached house. When the local Residents' Association gets to hear that two rag and bone men are planning to move into the area they offer a bribe to stop them coming. Harold is appalled by such prejudice but Albert sees a potential money-spinner on the way.
S6.E6 ∙ Pot Black
After suffering the results of his father's cooking, which involves crimping pie crust with false teeth, Harold shows off his new purchase, a huge snooker table, so big it eventually ends up in the yard. When he finds that Albert is much better at the game than him he becomes obsessed with the notion of beating him just once in his life and makes his dad play snooker in a rainstorm in the middle of the night. Finally a jubilant Harold wins. . .. Or was it Albert's trick shots making him think he'd won?
S6.E7 ∙ The Three Feathers
Having rescued Albert who's got tied up in knots doing yoga, Harold crows over his latest purchase, a Regency commode bought for seven pounds from a woman who wanted rid of it. Then her husband arrives, accusing Harold of taking advantage of his wife's ignorance and offering to buy it back for a hundred and fifty quid - which Harold accepts. After he has gone, an antique dealer arrives and goes into raptures over the commode, offering six hundred. However Harold has to buy it back from the irate spouse at three hundred. Albert points out to him that husband and dealer are two con-men working in tandem and Harold has been well and truly had.
S6.E8 ∙ Cuckoo in the Nest
A brash Australian called Arthur turns up claiming to be Albert's long-lost elder son and, to Harold's horror, Albert believes him, agreeing that Wallaby Jim of the Islands as Harold calls the lazy, cadging interloper, should be his heir. Harold moves out into a shabby bed-sit and struggles to make a living with his hand-cart. Then his father visits and asks him to return. Arthur sold the horse and cart and disappeared. Eventually Harold agrees and, as they turn the corner, they see their horse and cart coming down the road.
S7.E1 ∙ Men of Letters
The vicar calls, asking for an article on rag and bone men for the church magazine's centenary edition. Both Steptoe and Son want to write it but Harold wins the toss and, foreseeing a journalistic career ahead of him, works hard interviewing local totters for his piece. Albert has still been asked to make a contribution - a crossword, but, as the clues and answers turn out to be filthy, the magazine is seized as being obscene and burnt so Harold's article never sees the light of day.
S7.E2 ∙ A Star Is Born
Harold has joined an amateur dramatics group who use the Steptoe house as a rehearsal room for their play set in Afghanistan during the days of the Raj. Initially mistrustful of actors Albert changes his mind when given a part in the play but his snide interruptions during Harold's scene with leading lady Nemone, plus his inability to read his lines correctly, get on Harold's nerves. Come the performance however a nervous Harold is a flop whilst his father is the star of the show. Leaving the stage door Harold is asked by a young boy if he is an actor but replies he is a rag and bone man and will never be anything more before throwing a bottle through the dressing room window.
S7.E3 ∙ Oh, What a Beautiful Mourning
When Albert's brother George dies it's a surprise to Harold who never knew he existed. The greedy relatives turn up for the funeral, all hoping to be left something - even Albert wants the twenty-five pounds he lent George in 1925 for an aborted emigration to Australia. They are all in for a shock when it transpires that George left all his money to animal charities, though at least Albert manages to sneak out a valuable figurine everyone coveted.
S7.E4 ∙ Live Now, P.A.Y.E. Later
When a tax inspector calls to investigate Albert's claim for an allowance for his - long dead - wife, Harold gets him drunk and he agrees to giving 'her' a back-dated pension, though Albert has to drag up to claim it and attracts an unwanted admirer. Eventually Steptoe and Son tell the tax office that the lady has died. However, Albert forgot to tell Harold about the fake daughter for whom he was claiming, thus requiring another drag act.
S7.E5 ∙ Loathe Story
After being beaten at badminton by his father, who announces his desire to join the local tennis club, Harold tries to kill him whilst sleep-walking. A visit to a psychiatrist reveals Harold's dislike of his father stemming from childhood when he had to sit outside the pub waiting for him. Albert then succeeds in scaring away Harold's new girl-friend, Bunty, and her mother, convinced that Harold will get put away. He has even advertised for a lodger...and joined the tennis club.
S7.E6 ∙ Divided We Stand
Harold wants to re-decorate but cannot agree on a colour scheme with his father so they agree to put a partition down the living room and have their own space on either side. There is even a coin-operated turnstile put in the hall which each must feed to pass through common ground. Unfortunately when the house catches fire the turnstile severely limits the firemen who do not have change for it.
S7.E7 ∙ The Desperate Hours
It's a cold winter day and the Steptoes are reduced to putting pfennigs in the meter. They are visited by two escaped convicts, elderly Frank and the younger Johnny. When Johnny denounces Frank as introducing him to crime and ruining his life, Harold sympathises and says that Albert has always held him back. Frank defends Albert, telling Harold to respect his father. When the two finally leave, having given Harold their last shilling for the meter, Johnny agrees to let Frank go with him, just as Harold has always allowed himself to return to Albert. Steptoe and Son feel sad that their visitors have gone.
S7.E8 ∙ The Party
Albert is looking forward to another family Christmas but Harold wants to go to Majorca and put his father in a home for the duration. When Albert pulls his customary stunt and feigns illness Harold agrees to stay and spend the holiday money on a lavish party. Unfortunately he catches chicken pox from his father so the party is off and they are stuck with each other for the festive season.
S8.E1 ∙ Back in Fashion
A photographer and his agent come to the yard asking if they can use it as a backdrop for a model shoot. Harold sees it as a chance to make some cash and agrees, sporting a velvet smoking-jacket and shades when the company arrive. The model girls assume he is blind and start to change in front of him, calling Harold a pervert when it is revealed that he can see. Harold suggests that he might pose with the girls to add atmosphere but once again he ends up getting upstaged by his father.
S8.E2 ∙ And So to Bed
Harold invites convict's wife Marcia Wigley back for sex and they have to wait until Albert goes to bed. Harold's bed collapses after Marcia has fled pursued by a bed bug. He goes to the Bayswater Bedorama and spends two hundred pounds on an erotic water-bed but unfortunately he trusts Albert to plug it in in time for his next session with Marcia. He ends up, quite literally, having his ardour dampened.
S8.E3 ∙ Porn Yesterday
Harold is excited to have found an old What the Butler Saw machine, complete with film reel. Unfortunately the nude couple in the film, made in the 1920s, are Albert and his sister-in-law, who were consequently arrested. The vicar arrives, looking for contributions for the church jumble sale, and Harold gives him the machine, minus the film. The Steptoes arrive at the jumble sale to find the What the Butler Saw machine is a roaring success since some boy scouts discovered another old film,which is drawing the crowds. Albert becomes an instant celebrity, since he features in this film too, wearing only curly-toed slippers and suspenders for A Night in the Harem.
S8.E4 ∙ The Seven Steptoerai
Local gangster Frankie Barrow is running a protection racket and demands money from the Steptoes. Harold believes they need someone to defend them like in that film 'The Seven'... 'The Seven Year Itch?' suggests Albert. No, 'The Seven Samurai'. Albert assembles Shepherd's Bush's own answer to the Seven Samurai. They might be ancient but they see off Barrow and his heavies all right.
S8.E5 ∙ Upstairs, Downstairs, Upstairs, Downstairs
Albert has done his back in and the doctor orders bed-rest since it's not serious enough to warrant hospital admission. Harold is run ragged, climbing up and down the stairs to wait on him and carrying him to the toilet. When Albert's back clicks back into place he maintains the illusion of illness, but Harold has noticed beer and sweets have gone missing, lays a trap to expose Albert, and gets his revenge via the dreaded blanket bath.
S8.E6 ∙ Seance in a Wet Rag and Bone Yard
Albert comes in late one night having got involved with séances and local medium Madame Fontana, who communicates with the dead via her spirit guide Geronimo. Harold is sceptical and messes about when Albert produces a Ouija board. However Madame Fontana comes to the house to give a séance, along with Dorothy, a widow Albert hopes to marry. Through Madame Fontana the old couple discover that their late spouses want them to marry. Harold's cynicism leads to the discovery that Albert has told Dorothy he is very well off and the medium is actually her daughter working a scam. Albert has a lucky escape.
S8.E7 ∙ A Perfect Christmas
Harold wants to go to Switzerland for Christmas whilst Albert, as usual, prefers Bognor, though he is persuaded to go provided they sail, rather than fly. However he has no passport and when Harold finds his birth-certificate in order to get him one, it turns out that Albert is the illegitimate son of the muffin man and the picture of his supposed father is really Gladstone. At customs Albert's new passport is accepted but Harold's is a year out of date, so Albert happily goes on the holiday alone, unaware that Harold has actually cooked a scheme allowing him to spend Christmas with his girl-friend - in Bognor.
