Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps
The lives and loves of five friends in the Northern town of Runcorn.
Genre: Comedy
Cast:Will Mellor , Natalie Casey , Sheridan Smith , Kathryn Drysdale , Ralf Little , Hayley Bishop , Lee Oakes , Luke Gell , Beverley Callard , Jonathon Dutton , Thomas Nelstrop , Freddie Hogan , Georgia Henshaw , Alison Mac , Neo Hall , Charlee Hall , Lewis Vilamor , Harvie Walters
S1.E1 ∙ Fags, Shags and Kebabs
Donna and Janet, two girls in Runcorn, Cheshire, are best friends. When Donna bemoans her lack of a boyfriend, Janet arranges a date for her with her boyfriend Jonny's pal Gaz. Initially the double date gets off to a bad start, but Donna decides to give Gaz another chance. She goes to his flat where, having discovered his stash of porn magazines, she has sex with him. Squeaky-voiced student Louise gets a bar job but quits after the landlord offers her a bag of peanuts to have sex with him.
S1.E2 ∙ Spunk
Gaz goes to lunch at Donna's to meet her family, and is unnerved by her mother Flo's overtures. Gaz also advises Jonny how to make Janet love him more, such as being nasty to her, then disappearing. When Janet finds out, she breaks Gaz's nose and he ends up in hospital in the same ward as Jonny, who was attacked by an old lady he tried to help across the road, but least Jonny and Janet reconcile.
S1.E3 ∙ Bone with the Wind
Gaz finds Donna's toothbrush at his flat and worries that she wants to move in with him. Janet looks for ways to spice up her relationship with Jonny, such as buying sexy underwear. However, this makes him suspect that she is seeing another man, and he and Gaz almost attack the suspect before the truth is revealed. Louise falls for a gay man and decides to become a fag hag.
S1.E4 ∙ Angry Wangry
Feeling the need to better herself, Janet enrolls as a student and Louise's friend Cameron invites her to read poetry at a student meeting. Unfortunately, she doesn't go down well, but when Jonny, who opposed the idea, comes to her defense, he gets a good reception. Later, Jonny turns down the advances of two female fans to watch TV instead, but Gaz decides to go on the pull, and after she catches him sniffing her mother's hair, Donna pushes him into the canal.
S1.E5 ∙ Lard
Jonny finds himself unexpectedly attracted to Louise until he kisses her and thinks that her breath smells of lard. Donna decides to decorate Gaz's flat; he finds the finished result too feminine for his taste, but sex with Donna makes everything all right. Janet tries her hand as a stand-up comedian. She does not do well until she finds out about Jonny, Louise, and the lard, which becomes a popular subject.
S1.E6 ∙ Ugly Babies
Both Janet and Donna believe that they are pregnant. Jonny, who has discovered he wants more out of life but is disappointed by the things he has tried, is ultimately pleased. However it turns out to be a false alarm. Donna, on the other hand, really does appear to be expecting.
S2.E1 ∙ On the Blob
Donna discovers that she is not pregnant after all, which disappoints Gaz, who had hoped fatherhood would make him more responsible However, Janet persuades him that he can still be responsible without a child. He decides to show Donna his romantic side by inviting her to the 'best drinking establishment in town,' which turns out to be a can of lager in his garage. Louise's psychic predictions fall flat once more after she encourages Jonny to become a mime.
S2.E2 ∙ Bungle
When Jonny wins 1000 pounds on a Lotto scratch-card, everybody has their own idea of how he should spend it, Janet throwing a party in the hopes that he will use the money to buy an engagement ring. He eventually uses it to hire a bouncy castle and Bungle, a puppet bear from a children's television show. Louise sees her new man James as a sex machine, but he turns out to be a virgin.
S2.E3 ∙ Dirty Girls
Jonny is jealous when Janet finds a love letter from handsome old flame Andy, though she tells him she is merely being nostalgic. To allay his fears she introduces him to 'Andy', who is actually wimpy little Colin from the chemist's. Louise goes off James and wonders if she is a lesbian, getting Donna and Janet to experiment with her, though it does nothing for her and she realises that she just does not fancy James. Meanwhile, Flo wants Donna to move out so that she can turn her room into a saucy massage parlour.
S2.E4 ∙ Vomit
Though Jonny is convinced that he is seriously ill, Janet has her doubts and goes off to the Archer, the local pub, to meet Andy. Outside the pub they are seen by Gaz and Louise, and Louise tells Jonny. Louise also buys a dog as a man substitute; she calls him Chesney and dresses him in clothes similar to hers, but he gets run over. Meanwhile, Donna agrees to move in with Gaz.
S2.E5 ∙ Crusty Curtains
Donna and Gaz each draw up a list of things that they expect each other to do in order to make their flat-share easier, but his list contains silly things that annoy her. Janet and Jonny also argue, about her seeing Andy. As a result, Donna goes to spend the night at Jonny's flat while Janet comes to Gaz's, which shocks Louise.
S2.E6 ∙ Mo Mo and Pigsy
Jonny is confused to wake up and find Donna bringing him tea in bed though he makes a miracle recovery and they go to Andy's house to look for Janet. She is not there, but eventually both couples meet up in the Archer where there is general reconciliation and Jonny finally gives Janet an engagement ring. However, from its inscription 'Mo Mo and Pigsy,' Janet realises that it is a family heirloom that Jonny stole from Andy's house.
S3.E1 ∙ Munch
Gaz is shocked when a lad called Munch arrives at the garage where he works, claiming to be his half-brother. Initially lukewarm, Gaz starts to like Munch when he finds that he has a great porn collection. Jonny proposes to Janet, but she wants him to find work in order to buy a proper engagement ring. He is spectacularly unsuccessful, so Janet proposes instead, with a ring made of tinfoil. Louise now takes up with Andy, who takes her to a smart restaurant--but runs off, leaving her to pay the bill.
S3.E2 ∙ Fish
Jonny urges Janet to give up smoking; unfortunately, she becomes very violent, so Jonny gives up and lets her start puffing again. Louise receives a Valentine's card that turns out to be from David Fish, whom she remembers as a spotty schoolmate, but after 8 years in Australia, he has returned as something of a catch. Donna and Gaz decide to spice up their sex life, but Donna is appalled after finding Gaz experimenting with whipped cream and bondage and runs out of the flat, leaving him handcuffed to the bed.
S3.E3 ∙ Kangaroo
A reluctant Jonny puts his hand down Gaz's little briefs to get the key to release him from his bondage. Donna, however, is still keen on the idea of kinky sex and dresses as a dominatrix but is embarrassed when Gaz comes in with Munch while she is going through her paces. At Janet's request, Jonny agrees to ask her father Peter for permission to marry her. Counseled by Janet, Louise agrees to be more mature in order to keep David.
S3.E4 ∙ Beastiality
Louise and Donna fall out when it transpires that Donna also went out with David Fish. Pete refuses to agree to Janet getting married to Jonny, so they decide to have a cut-price registry service. Janet gets a second-hand wedding dress but the previous owner was rather bigger than she and it needs to be taken in.
S3.E5 ∙ Hospikal
Jonny finally blackmails Pete into agreeing to the wedding after he discovers that he is having sex with Flo, but when Janet asks about the change of heart, Jonny tells her that has discovered that Pete is a secret transvestite. Donna and Louise make up their differences and act as Janet's bridesmaids, but Gaz is rushed to hospital after Munch finds him unconscious in the garage. People assume that it was a suicide bid but he was really just dead drunk.
S3.E6 ∙ Dresses Dresses Dresses
The three girls go shopping for wedding dresses, financed by Pete. Janet wants to look radiant and chooses ugly dresses for the bridesmaids; they attempt to destroy them, which lands Janet with a bill for damages. However, Louise has a cunning plan which allows Janet to have the dress she wants at a knock-down price. Meanwhile, Jonny and Gaz steal a barrel of beer from outside the Archer but find that it only contains soapy water.
S3.E7 ∙ Fockin Mokky Bokka
Donna and Gaz find their peace disturbed by noisy neighbours who repeatedly play Dana records. Jonny agrees to get a job at a D.I.Y. store but is forced to quit after his female superiors sexually harass him. Louise decides to dress and act like a child to stop her from getting old, and David has a sensible talk with her.
S3.E8 ∙ Jammy Dodgers
As they finally get round to sex after weeks of celibacy, Louise is rather overwhelmed to find that David goes like a train though he confesses that he is only giving her what he thinks she wants. Janet and Jonny start to worry over the fact that they rarely argue and Gaz suggests to Donna she has more nights out with the girls, so she she just goes out and stays outside the flat to fool him.
S3.E9 ∙ Dump
Janet prepares her list of wedding presents, some of which are very expensive, so Jonny takes Donna to the local dump to find cheaper substitutes--mostly trash. However they do find a valuable collectors' item: a programme from the 1950 Cup Final; but Gaz burns it in disgust because Liverpool lost, thus throwing away the chance to make a lot of money.
S3.E10 ∙ Schluballybub
David gives Louise a plant to nurture as a love test, but she feels patronised and takes it the wrong way. Donna and Gaz also row after he accuses her of giving him sexual warts--which turn out to be piles. Donna and David, both feeling dejected, meet and talk. Feeling that Jonny no longer loves her, Janet packs her bags and leaves him.
S4.E0 ∙ When Janet Met Jonny
As Janet prepares to leave Jonny, she finds a photo taken on the night that they met and the show turns into a long flashback detailing how Donna, Janet, and Louise went on the pull to a nightclub where they met Jonny and Gaz. This is a musical episode with the characters singing original songs in pastiches of popular numbers at the time.
S4.E1 ∙ Corinthian Dies
Janet leaves a note for Jonny and moves in with Louise, who is feeling sorry for herself after David left her. Gaz is also angry with David, believing that he had sex with Donna, and challenges him to a drinking competition, which David wins. Louise gets back with David,then dumps him for dumping her. Jonny finally finds the note Janet left him after it has been turned into a paper aeroplane and he is desolate.
S4.E2 ∙ Piggy Goes Oink
Louise is told that she cannot have her degree unless she returns a library book she once borrowed, 'Piggy Goes Oink.' She suspects David of taking it to spite her, but to Gaz's consternation, David is encouraging Donna to better herself by becoming a student. Janet regrets leaving Jonny, but when she goes to make up with him, she sees him kissing Kate, the barmaid at the Archer.
S4.E3 ∙ My Delicious Guava
Janet moves in with Louise. Jonny and Kate visit Halton Castle, where he tries to show her how macho he is by climbing the castle wall, but he falls and injures his ankle. Janet rings him to get rid of a spider the girls found in the flat, so he goes round to kill it to impress Kate but faints when he sees it. Meanwhile, Donna starts life as a student.
S4.E4 ∙ Cuggles
Louise has graduated and is job-hunting. She applies to become the head of ICI but at her interview it becomes clear that she has lied about her qualifications, and it is suggested she work at Pizza Hut instead. Janet phones a dating agency and agrees to meet her date in the pub, but it turns out to be a very butch woman, so she goes back with Gaz to have sex with him instead. Donna is finding her student work difficult, so Kate helps her with her essay.
S4.E5 ∙ Purgatory
Rather than go to the graduation ball, Louise throws her own party with Janet, taking charge of the guest list. She invites Jonny and Kate, feeling that Jonny has become a nicer person since going out with her, though everywhere everybody looks Jonny and Kate seem to be at it. The party is no exception; Kate goes out of her way to spite Janet by sleeping with Jonny in her bed. Gaz feels guilty about two-timing Donna and ends up back with her, having written her essay for her.
S4.E6 ∙ Mate Date
Janet goes to work at the bakery as usual, knowing she has a new boss--which turns out to be Louise. Donna is keen for Janet and Jonny to get back together and asks Gaz to split up Jonny and Kate by making a pass at her--which he does. Kate gets furious and makes it clear that she has no time for Jonny's friends. This does the trick: Kate and Jonny are no more.
S4.E7 ∙ Homeless and Horny
Louise does not last long at the bakery as power goes to her head and she goes about sacking people, leading to her own dismissal. Jonny is homeless after rowing with his dad but gets back together with Janet, attracted by her cheese-and-onion-pasty bikini. While Gaz is feeling like he's impotent, Donna's tutor Philip suggests that they get to know each other a little better on the grounds that it will further her student career.
S4.E8 ∙ Filthy Brunching
Donna goes out to brunch with Philip, making Gaz jealous but when he confronts Philip he finds that he is no longer impotent. Louise gets a job at the Office of National Statistics, where she accidentally erases all evidence of Jonny's existence. She recreates a file for him but adds a fictional and colourful criminal record which leads to a shoot-out with the police when he goes on his date with Janet.
S5.E1 ∙ Dead
Flo is killed in a road accident, but at the funeral, Janet is feeling randy and Gaz is unable to satisfy her, so until he recovers she takes comfort with a cut-out of the Chuckle Brothers. Jonny becomes a local celebrity after surviving his shoot-out with the police, though he and Janet miss the planned television interview with him outside the Archer for "North West Today." When Louise is arrested for causing the situation, Janet changes her mind about bailing her out, leaving her in police custody.
S5.E2 ∙ Nobbly Bobbly
As Munch gets jiggy with the Archer's new barmaid Kelly, Donna and Gaz move into Flo's old house, which Donna has inherited on the proviso that Donna does not look into the cupboard under the stairs. Hearing noises, Gaz is convinced that the house is haunted by Flo's ghost, but the stairs collapse when he opens the door, so he and Donna must move back to their flat. Louise sees a psychiatrist called Dr. Yark and tells him that her actions were probably caused by a sub-conscious effort to protect him from learning about Janet and Gaz. She is released and goes round to tell Jonny what she saw just as he is about to propose to Janet after suffering a bout of agoraphobia.
S5.E3 ∙ Shrink
Janet discovers that she's pregnant, and she and Jonny decide to get married and start planning. Gaz kisses Louise as a means of blackmailing her into not divulging that he slept with Janet. After Louise counsels Donna about her relationship with her mother, Donna decides to sell Flo's house and use the proceeds to go on a hiking tour of Ecuador with Gaz.
S5.E4 ∙ Ecuador
Jonny buys a car which he calls Herbie and gets Gaz to give him driving lessons. Louise asks Jonny to publicly forgive her for causing the shoot-out so that it will improve her chances in court, but when he refuses and gives her new dress to a charity shop, she has the car crushed. Gaz is not keen to go to Ecuador and does not want Donna to leave him, so he hides her passport. When Janet gives the passport back to her, Donna suspects that she has an ulterior motive for her wanting to go, so she decides to stay instead.
S5.E5 ∙ Potato People
After Gaz confesses about himself and Janet, Donna leaves him and resists Janet's attempts to make up with her. After a disastrous date with Munch, Kelly decides to set her sights on the newly-single Gaz and dresses and acts like Donna to impress him. Jonny is barred from the local off-licence for selling alcohol to underage kids, so he gets Louise to buy the drinks in his stead. However, she is refused service as the shop-keeper thinks that she too is underage, and Jonny's customers are not happy.
S5.E6 ∙ Antlers
Donna and Janet have made up and are all for a quiet hen night/baby shower, but Louise, in court the next day, ensures that quiet it is not. Despite most of Runcorn seemingly aware of his night with Janet, Gaz still invites a load of total strangers to Jonny's stag party who are not in the know. The evening starts badly when Jonny and Gaz get left behind by the mini-bus but ends in style with a stripper--who also knows about Gaz's fling with Janet.
S5.E7 ∙ Crab
Louise goes to court, argues with the magistrate, and is giving community service: supervising teenage girls. Janet and Johnny wake up in their wedding clothes in the back of a truck containing dressed crabs. Fearful that their marriage is fated to never take place, Janet confesses to Jonny about her night with Gaz, but he laughs it off. Donna and Gaz decide to form an alliance which will save the day, posing as Janet and Jonny at the registry office so that they will have a proper marriage certificate.
S5.E8 ∙ Fat
Six months have elapsed since the wedding and Janet is heavily pregnant, but she has let the place become a tip, so Louise brings her community-service girls round to tidy it up--but all they do is sit around smoking and chatting to Janet. After they leave, Janet realizes that she has no desire to be like them and cleans up. Donna is working in a bucket factory and can get promotion if she sells 4,000 buckets. Jonny also has a job--as potman at the Archer--but it only lasts one day. Gaz, pining after Donna leaves him again, has been comfort-eating and is seriously overweight, but when he sees Donna again, he wants her back, so he prepares to slim down with Munch's help.
S5.E9 ∙ Stot or Pronk
Janet's pregnancy is making her forgetful, so Louise enters her in the Archer's pub quiz to sharpen her memory. It's compered by Kelly, who makes snide comments about Janet's night with Gaz. Gaz has lost weight and recovered his former physique. He is a hit with the ladies at the ante-natal classes, to which he accompanies Jonny because Janet is too preoccupied with the pub quiz. At the class, Gaz's parenting skills on toy monkey Cuddles are impressive; in fact, he reunites with Donna, inspiring her to also embark on a fitness regime.
S5.E10 ∙ Who's the Daddy?
Donna and Gaz wind each other up by pretending to have other, superior sex partners, which results in Gaz storming out and being run over by the ambulance taking Janet to the hospital: her water has broken. There is yet another reconciliation as Donna and Gaz get it on in his hospital bed. However Gaz is concussed after the accident and tells Jonny that he is the baby's father. Jonny is about to confront Janet but all is forgiven when he learns that she has given birth to a son: Corinthian McVitie Keogh.
S5.E11 ∙ Bababababa
Jonny feels that Janet has become too obsessed with baby Corinthian, so he starts acting like a baby himself, in an unsuccessful attempt to gain his wife's attention. The couple are short of money and Gaz is keen to give them a loan, since Donna is bringing in a good wage at the bucket factory. But Donna is unwilling; she resents that Janet slept with Gaz. Louise is desperate for a boyfriend to make herself more interesting and tries to pinch a man from Kelly.
S5.E12 ∙ God
Janet is planning her baby's christening, and now that the two couples have made up and are friends again, she asks Donna and Gaz to be Corinthian's godparents. However, Louise has a religious experience in which she sees God and believes that she should be the baby's godmother, causing Janet to postpone the christening and Louise to take drastic action.
S5.E13 ∙ LOVE 83199
Janet is suffering from post-natal depression, but Jonny sees his dream job--working in a biscuit factory--advertised in the paper and applies for an interview. Donna decides that the flat is in such a bad state that she and Gaz should move into a house, but the first one they go to view has a sheep in the garden and Gaz must admit to a phobia of sheep. Louise, feeling as unlucky in love as ever, begins a 'relationship' with her phone, but then she meets Mick, stylist to the stars of the "Hollyoaks" soap opera.
S5.E14 ∙ Near, Far
Louise is anxious to show off her sexy new boyfriend, but her squeaky voice and odd ways are already getting on his nerves. Gaz decides to overcome his fear of sheep and move into the house after he must rescue Donna from a flock in the garden. While Jonny goes for his interview at the biscuit factory, convinced that the job is his, Janet also gets an offer: as a singer on a cruise ship. Which means sailing for Mauritius the next day.
S6.E1 ∙ Speedycruise!
Janet seriously considers taking the cruise-ship job and Jonny is keen to accompany her as he wants to be a pirate, but when Janet learns that the job is little more than being a stripper, they decide to stay at home. Gaz's father puts his garage up for sale and Donna buys it with the remains of the money from the house sale so that Gaz will still be working. Louise goes to visit her mother in hospital and learns that she was adopted.
S6.E2 ∙ Goblins
Passed over for promotion at work in favor of a man, Donna feels she is the victim of sexism and steals a van to prove she is as good a driver as any male--but crashes it and gets fired. Janet decides to work from home making squeaky goblin toys for children, but they are so ugly that Jonny believes that they are possessed and wants them out, so she gets Gaz to store them in the garage. Louise gets a letter from her real mother and is delighted to learn she is from a wealthy part of Runcorn.
S6.E3 ∙ Mummy Cupboard
Donna starts work at the garage with Gaz, but they spend more time having sex than working until she assumes the persona of a man, calling herself Don, to attract more work. Janet gets a job on a phone-sex chatline but is so bad at it that the punters keep hanging up on her. Louise gets to meet her parents but is convinced that the man is not her real father because he is ginger.
S6.E4 ∙ Cauliflower
Gaz gets down on one knee to propose to Donna, who initially declines, then changes her mind. However, when she learns that Gaz is planning a wedding ceremony in the Archer, she refuses again. Having accidentally walked out of a baby-clothes store without paying, Janet develops a taste for shoplifting as she is hard up for cash; a shocked Jonny decides that he will knit Corinthian's clothes, but the result is a mess. Louise at last meets her real father Brian, but the reunion is short-lived: he is an alcoholic who touches her for money; he's also gay and throws himself at Jonny.
S6.E5 ∙ Drunk
Gaz wants to have a baby with Donna, partly so that he can marry her. She agrees to try for one but takes the morning-after pill directly afterwards. Jonny, angry that Brian thought he was gay, decides to adopt a macho attitude but ends up nearly hitting Janet, so he reverts to being calm and serene and rescuing his wife from an alky at the pub where Louise, believing that she is an alcoholic, has decided to hold an AA meeting. But Gaz confronts him, claiming that he is Corinthian's true father and he wants to take him.
S6.E6 ∙ Croppity Crops
Janet is left stunned after Gaz's shock attempt to take Corinthian, but Jonny has other things on his mind and decides to become a farmer to feed his family. Feeling unsafe after Kelly points a gun at her, Louise moves in with Janet and Jonny. Desperate for kids, Gaz visits the local sperm bank to "open an account," hoping that one day his children will find him--and because masturbating for money is his dream job. Janet goes overboard with security, which leads Donna to take her out; she tells her that Gaz won't come back and that the most likely person to steal her baby would try to befriend her, and would be someone lonely, without a family. Jonny suspects that Louise has an inferior motive for moving in with them; then she discovers that he's only pretending to be a farmer and is really wasting money on farmers' markets. She threatens to tell Janet, who is proud of Jonny's apparent farming skill, unless he lets her stay. Janet rushes in, points Kelly's gun at Louise, and orders her to leave. Donna receives a letter for Gaz from the sperm bank: he's infertile.
S6.E7 ∙ Finger Sniffing
The job of manager of the Archer has become vacant and Donna, to prove she is as good as a man, and Janet, to impress Jonny, both apply; Janet is chosen. Louise has been promised a legacy by her mother, who is unwell--possibly fatally--but Louise jumps the gun by taking the money to buy a car, which gets stolen. Jonny comes to believe that Corinthian is Gaz's son because he has the same unpleasant traits. But then news comes from the sperm bank: Gaz's sperm count is so low he could not possibly be the father. The victory goes to Jonny.
S6.E8 ∙ War, Hurrgh!
Janet turns the Archer into a World War Two theme pub, but Donna, annoyed to have been pipped at the post, poses as a health inspector, finding fault to shut down the pub. Louise turns to prostitution to repay the money for the car while Jonny tries to make up with Gaz by buying him a dog on which to try out his parenting skills; unfortunately, Gaz kills it. Janet discovers that Donna is not a health inspector after all and filthies up the pub in revenge, but then a real one shows up and orders the Archer's closure.
S6.E9 ∙ Closing Time
Still musing on his sexuality after discovering that he liked Brian, Jonny ends up snogging a man--but it's elderly customer Arthur, which isn't a fair barometer. After a visit from her disruptive younger brother Dion, Donna proposes to Gaz and he accepts. Janet and Kelly, determined to keep the Archer going, stage a sit-in and are joined by other regulars, but then a man from the brewery arrives and points out that it's a death trap, so it is closed down.
S6.E10 ∙ When Janet Killed Jonny
A report appears in the local paper stating that anybody trying to enter the Archer, which is subject to a curse, will be killed by the thing they love most. After Kelly mysteriously disappears and is suffocated by bags of crisps, the others break into the pub, where Donna is cut in two by a glass ceiling after killing Gaz, and Louise kills herself. Jonny is consumed by a giant Jammy Dodger biscuit, and when Janet awakens from the nightmare, she finds that the biscuit has replace Jonny in the bed next to her.
S7.E1 ∙ When Jonny Met Sharky
Tim, a camp young man, becomes the new manager at the Archer and has a theme night dedicated to John Barrowman with Donna working alongside him. Jonny has won an adventure holiday in Hawaii jumping over sharks, and an envious Gaz tries to emulate him to bring some excitement into his own life via stunt-riding, fire-eating, and the nude balloon dance. But Janet takes a phone call that brings horrible news about Jonny.
S7.E2 ∙ DABDAA!
Janet is going through the five stages of bereavement: DABDA, or Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and finally Acceptance. Gaz is helping her, and frankly, Donna is rather suspicious of his motives. On the positive side--sort of--Louise announces that she is pregnant.
S7.E3 ∙ Homophobia Is Gay
Having found God, Munch returns, while Louise organizes a fake seance to persuade Janet, who is heavily strapped for cash, that she should move in with her. Janet herself comes up with a theme for Donna and Gaz's wedding: Dead Jonny. Meanwhile, Donna tries to get Tim to come out, as he is obviously gay; however, he reveals that he is married to Helena, a female rugby player who is away on tour, and the resulting fallout leaves Donna running the pub with depressed Janet and crazy Munch.
S7.E4 ∙ Dead Jonny Walking
While Janet finds herself unable to look at Jonny's newly-arrived headstone, Donna is running the pub with her wedding only a week away, so she's too busy to prepare for it, and Munch loses God. Louise is annoyed when she learns that her baby is a girl because she thinks the baby will be prettier than she is, but after a scary moment of thinking the baby died, she accepts that she will love her anyway.
S7.E5 ∙ Here Bums the Bride
Donna and Gaz have their wedding, with Munch as best man, but since Janet organized it, the theme is decidedly Jonny-oriented. After the wedding, Louise tells Janet that she should get rid of some of Jonny's things to try to get over him so Janet gives Louise a box of items to take to the charity shop. These include a letter from the hospital stating that Jonny was not Corinthian's father, which Louise opens and reads. Meanwhile, Janet feels attracted to Munch.
S7.E6 ∙ Six Months Later
Six months have passed and Louise is heavily pregnant--and claiming that it doesn't show. She finds out that because Janet has not been opening her mail since Jonny's death, she missed the letter informing her that she will be evicted for nonpayment of rent. Louise tries to help by introducing Janet to Aidan, who has just robbed a post office, but all he has to offer is a spit roast. Gaz is interested in buying Janet's house, but Donna, who has aspirations and is going for a job interview to get out of the Archer, wants something rather more up-market.
S7.E7 ∙ African Death Face
Donna and Gaz are living with Janet, but Donna is after a high-powered job in London, which she gets by learning how to bluff her way through the interview. Janet and Gaz recall their old relationship and end up having sex together. As Donna is about to move to London and Gaz is not keen to go, he now has a dilemma on his hands. Louise realises that, though Donna was to be her birthing partner, she must now go it alone.
S7.E8 ∙ Borry
Donna prepares to go to London on her own after Gaz tells her that he is going back to Janet and Donna throws a glass of beer over him. However she has found a new man of her own in London, Wesley Presley, and tells Gaz that he and Janet are well-suited to each other as they are both 'scum, but in a nice way'. Helped by Munch, Louise gives birth to a beautiful baby girl in the Archer; she tells him she will name the baby Louise Munch Brooks, though the father is Donna's brother Dion, but she actually names her Louise Louise Brooks.
S8.E0 ∙ Comic Relief Special: When Janet Met Michelle
Tim hosts a one-off fund raiser in support of the BBC 's charity night, including a three-part contest consisting of a bitch-off, a flirt-off, and a drink-off, accompanied by musical numbers. The show includes characters from two other sitcoms: 'Coming of Age' and 'Grownups,' in which Sheridan Smith played a character called Michelle.
S8.E1 ∙ Candle
Janet and Gaz are living as a couple, though he is irritated by her habit of starting every sentence with "Since Jonny died..." and the fact that she has made a candle out of Jonny's earwax to remember him by. His admission that he was going with Donna and Janet at the same time does not help either. However, they agree that they must move on, and, as the hospital letter showed that Corinthian was not Jonny's son, Janet urges Gaz to get a court order recognizing him as the boy's official father.
S8.E2 ∙ Gazman
Gaz determines to be a good father, dressing the part and practising his parenting skills on Tim, who is trying to encourage Louise to be a better mother and stop leaving her baby behind when she goes out. Gaz goes to court and is granted his order, but Donna returns, followed by boyfriend Wesley, who is dismissive of Runcorn and wants her to go back to London with him.
S8.E3 ∙ Flan Van
While Tim persuades Louise that her baby does not need a father figure and that she can go it alone, Donna is annoyed after Gaz tries to set her up with a tramp as well as giving Wesley courtship advice that she finds questionable though she sees that he has her genuine interests at heart. Nonetheless, she decides to set up house with Wesley. After a youth mugs her, Janet becomes a police Community Support Officer.
S8.E4 ∙ Ello Ello
With the divorce papers still not through, Donna and Gaz are unsure if they have done the right thing, but when Donna sees that Wesley is making an effort to fit into Runcorn life, she knows who she wants. Unfortunately, Wesley gets Tasered by Janet, who is desperate to arrest somebody, with the result that she gets arrested herself--and fired. Meanwhile, Louise quizzes her baby on I.Q. questions and mathematics, wanting to be a better mother than Janet.
S8.E5 ∙ D.I.V.O.R.C.E.
Donna and Gaz are at the solicitor's office to sign the divorce papers but still unsure if they are doing the right thing as, in a series of flashbacks, they recall how they first met as children and their subsequent life together. They also, in a fantasy sequence, try to imagine what life would have been like had they never met--with a scary look into the future.
S8.E6 ∙ Val Doonican
Wesley gives Gaz a ring with which to propose to Janet, and Donna offers to help him plan the wedding, despite Tim's view that it might end up causing her pain; however, she spends a day with Gaz and all goes well. Janet is working with Wesley on his market stall selling Val Doonican CDs but is rushed to hospital with stomach pains and needs surgery. Wesley tries to ring Gaz, who has ended up in bed with Donna.
S8.E7 ∙ You Decide
Janet is discharged from hospital after her appendectomy. She tells Gaz that Wesley held her hand all night, and Gaz confesses that he slept with Donna, resulting in Janet throwing him out. When she catches up with him again, he is back with Donna and the two women deliver an ultimatum, forcing him to choose which one he really wants. Meanwhile, Louise meets promising boyfriend material in Scott Chegg, of the boy band "R Soul."
S8.E8 ∙ Keep on Running
Despite Tim's assurances that both are too good for Gaz, Janet and Donna give him a deadline to choose between them, though Gaz's admission that he really is Corinthian's father doesn't go down as expected. Louise worries that Scott will dump her for a groupie, so on Gaz's advice she sends a saucy photo of herself by phone and receives a reassuring message: "I Think I Love You." She will soon be leaving Runcorn to join a moon-worshipping sect. Gaz has made his decision and rushes to tell the girl of his choice, but is involved in a terrible car accident which leaves him paralysed in a hospital bed. As he comes to, the girl of his choice is at his bedside.
S8.E9 ∙ The Aftermath: Part 1 - Waiting for Gaz
Janet is in the Archer waiting for news of Gaz and is devastated to hear not only that he is paralysed from the waist down, but that he has chosen Donna over her. She and Tim and Wesley perform a series of musical numbers, including a rap and a hymn to Runcorn's pasties . Janet will shortly be moving to Milton Keynes with Corinthian while Wesley goes back to London, and Tim will become the licensed landlord of the Archer.
S8.E10 ∙ The Aftermath: Part 2 - Sliding Gaz
Donna is at the hospital visiting the stricken Gaz. In a plot borrowed from the film "Sliding Doors," she imagines the two possible scenarios of her continuing relationship with Gaz: the one depending on him being able to walk and the possibility of their having children together; and the other based on the premise that he will be in a wheelchair permanently.
S9.E1 ∙ Nil by Muff
Donna and Gaz are together, but he is in a wheelchair following his accident and his sexual prowess is affected. Fortunately the couple's love sees them through. Gaz is unnerved by Billy, a young Scouser who nursed him in hospital and wants to be his carer. Not only is Billy very touchy-feely, he has also taken Gaz's place in the local football team. Camp Tim is enjoying himself as the landlord of the Archer until his violent younger sister Cassie turns up, released from a Young Offender Unit. She moves into the pub and flirts unsuccessfully with Billy.
S9.E2 ∙ Cheese Toastie
As the breadwinner for herself and Gaz, Donna must swallow her pride and sign on, especially as the Job Centre clerk is a girl who bullied her at school. Tim decides to give Cassie a fashion makeover in her efforts to catch Tim, hoping that the boost of confidence will make her less aggressive; he is partially successful. Gaz resists Billy's earnest efforts to be his friend and carer until he sets fire to the flat and the young Scouser saves him. However, this makes Billy see himself as a rubbish carer and he decides he wants to be a footballer with Runcorn Rovers instead.
S9.E3 ∙ Trial Schmile
Following the fire, Tim moves Donna and Gaz into Janet's old flat. Deprived of her clothes, Donna decides to become a possessions-renouncing New Age hippie but changes her mind when offered work with a corporate waste-disposal company. Gaz just wants to get drunk, taking Billy with him--which results in the lad missing his trial for Runcorn Rovers, so Gaz resorts to dirty tricks to give him another shot. Cassie forces Tim to come out as gay when she tries to blackmail him into buying her a motorbike.
S9.E4 ∙ The Gaz-Bot
After customizing his wheelchair, Gaz decides that he wants to take part in the Paralympics, so Donna becomes his trainer--with a routine that forbids sex. He enters for a marathon but is rubbish and comes last, so he abandons his dream. Cassie and Billy go on their first date, which is also Billy's first date of any kind but it is a success after Billy discovers that he is a masochist who likes to be hurt. Tim goes to the rugby changing room to explain things to Helena, but is pleasantly side-tracked by nude hunks who mistake him for a physiotherapist and ask him to give them a massage.
S9.E5 ∙ Shagger
Tim downloads a gay dating site called S*agger on his phone and is shocked by the photos that perverts have sent of their privates, but true love seems to beckon in the form of cute customer Leonard. Billy is exhausted by Cassie's sexual demands, which affects his football training, but she inadvertently kick-starts his game by appearing on the sidelines dressed as a WAG. Gaz's efforts to walk seem as unsuccessful as Donna's attempts to find a new best friend. Her auditions only yield the likes of eco-freaks, killers, and lesbians, but when one of the women goes for her with a bottle, Gaz miraculously leaps from his wheelchair to save her.
S9.E6 ∙ This is Your Life
Tim overcomes his nerves to start dating Leonard, and Cassie chooses Billy over Graham, the psychotic former boyfriend who has demanded that she return to him. But can the path of true love run as smoothly for Donna and Gaz as, after she presents him with a 'This Is Your Life' book at his birthday party at the Archer, he realises that he has never left Runcorn and wants to go traveling? He wants Donna to come too, but news from the hospital that she might be seriously ill causes her to change her mind without explaining why, leading Gaz to believe she is selfish and leave on his own. She catches up with him at the airport, but will there be a happy ending for them?
